


You Probably Couldn't See For The Lights But...

by thosewhitejeans



Category: Arctic Monkeys, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: High School AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2018-08-08 14:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 39,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7761103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thosewhitejeans/pseuds/thosewhitejeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Milex high school AU. Basically it's feelings and fluff!</p>
<p>(Originally posted on tumblr, since has been heavily edited)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

A/N: Spreading this old one again in the hope it'll encourage me to actually finish it! With some coaxing I've decided to post it here, please be nice to me, I know it's bad but I've tried to refresh the chapters a little so hopefully it's not TOO awful? Comments are nice btw :) enjoy? 

\------------

He eventually came to realise that he'd been practically staring at the boy sat across from him for the best part of an hour. Obviously, for he hadn't wanted to appear obvious, it had been under the guise of carefully studying the book he held in front of him. For the most part he peered cautiously over the top of the spine as though he were part of some sort of highly important espionage team. He even remembered to turn the pages of every so often. Subtlety. Although come to think of it, he couldn't even say he knew what book he was "reading".

To be honest, the boy had actually caught his eye almost a full hour previous but only when someone else entered the room. Said someone immediately walked over with a grin and started up a proper conversation with ease and smiles that coaxed back all they gave and more. In fact, over the course of the hour, Alex noticed a similar occurrence a couple more times. People coming over, striking up conversation, pulling the boy from his concentration and earning his attention with immediacy. Then of course there was the odd girl coming over, too, flicking her hair and batting her eyelashes. Girls who received charming smiles and hushed conversations and ultimately wandered off giggling. 

Why did it bother him so much to see these exchanges occur? It was unsettling, the way Alex felt something curl up his windpipe and make his breath catch as he hastily turned another page and bit his lip subconsciously. He decided that it came down to two things. Either he was concerned for the boy, second hand annoyance at how he was seemingly unable to catch a moment of concentration. Sympathy , for Alex knew how frustrating it could be when someone kept interrupting and the lad certainly seemed like he was trying to concentrate... Or the other option was jealousy. Was he jealous? Jealous of the attention he received? Surely not. Alex certainly wasn't one who strived for attention. He blinked and settled for the first option, worrying his lip as he snuck another glance. Something was so very puzzling about the whole situation. It might not have sounded especially odd; a lad chatting to another in their common room, flirting with the odd girl in their year, but there was one startling fact that made him stand out. The boy under Alex's intense, blatant gaze was brand new. As in just arrived that morning, tie firmly in place and shoes a shiny black, new.

Maybe it was the way that this lad's long-ish hair fell into his eyes and he didn't even bother to brush it out but Alex supposed it just took him by surprise that this boy, sat in the corner, the one who looked just about as shy as you could possibly get, had already drawn the attention of so many others. Or maybe it the way that he apparently ignored everything around him as he tapped long, slender fingers to some imaginary beat with one hand while the other scribbled away into notebook, one that was hastily shut the second someone came to talk to him.

That was the other thing that caught Alex's eye, the notebook. Miles (apparently that was his name) had been intently working away for the whole study period, stopping only occasionally to twirl his pencil around as though incredibly bored. He'd tap his fingers some more and stare off into the middle distance. It was then that Alex's head would drop back down, subtly of course, to "read" some more of his "extremely interesting" book and definitely not watch the scene from beneath his lashes. How could he help it when the subject of his gaze was so incredibly interesting? 

The boy - Miles - made these facial expressions, clearly thinking hard about something, until the spark caught in his eye once more and he was back to filling that page, covering it in his neat scrawl. Could a scrawl even be neat? Alex assumed it was neat, based on the limited knowledge he had of the boy so far it seemed fitting that his handwriting should be tidy. He couldn't see the writing anyway, just that it covered the page, the lines entirely redundant as he changed directions with every line.

One thing was absolutely certain; Alex was extremely curious about the mysterious new boy, so shy looking and yet apparently so confident that he was already, just two hours into his first day, attracting enough attention to appear popular. 

Alex was curious. Curious about whether or not they would become friends. Curious about what Miles was really like. Curious about what he was interested in and what he did for fun, what subjects he was taking and which of those classes he actually liked. But most of all, Alex was simply very curious about what on earth he was writing in that notebook that he had to hide it every time someone came over.


	2. Chapter 1

A/N: hi :) here is chapter one, things get more interesting of course haha, Uhm I never know what to say in these but yeh enjoy? (There are one or two PoV changes but I think they're pretty obvious? If not please shoot me a message!)  
\-------------

Alex tried hard to stifle the fact that he'd jumped when the bell sounded far to loudly for his liking. A glance at the mystery new boy showed him hiding a smirk and Alex inadvertently found his cheeks growing uncomfortably warm, sure that he'd noticed and was amused by Alex's jumpiness. He hastily bowed his head in a somewhat futile attempt to hide his blush and slammed the book shut, realising to his dismay, only once it was shut, that it was entitled "A Level Physics: A Complete Guide". 

He'd literally sat staring at someone for an hour under the pretence of reading all about physics. With an internal heavy sigh, Alex could only hope that Miles hadn't noticed the title. He wasn't sure why he felt like it mattered but he did.

Chucking some stuff in his bag Alex was snapped out of his thoughts, startled into gasping lightly when he stood back up only to find that the boy was directly in front of him, smiling cheerfully. They were the only ones in the room now and the taller boy gestured to the book he'd so carelessly discarded on a nearby chair. 

"Don't forget your book mate," he offered, picking up said book quickly and studying the cover, unaware of Alex's inward cursing and the feeling of intense awkwardness that he was feeling as the silence stretched out. It wasn't quiet for long in reality but for Alex, whose cheeks were a fiery red, it certainly felt like the minutes were ticking by. Unfortunately for him, Miles quickly demonstrated that he was actually far less shy than Alex had initially thought. He began by garrulously introducing himself and then continued to babble away... about physics of all things. Alex came to his senses again only when Miles was looking at him expectantly. 

"Uh-" he cleared his throat awkwardly, blinking, "uh, I'm Alex?" He supplied although it was more of a question. Pull yourself together, Turner. He thought angrily as Miles' eyes slid over his face, taking in his features, confusion briefly clouding the other boy's face until he was grinning again. 

"Yeah... Yeh, I know, I only asked what lesson you had? Physics is it?" Alex felt himself cringe dramatically, only managing a tiny nod lest opening his mouth again should prove to be as disastrous as the first attempt. Miles was still smiling, was this boy always so cheerful? He suited a smile though, and it was certainly a contagious one. Alex felt himself mimic the expression for a moment just until the next words left Miles' upturned lips. 

"Great! I'll walk with you," he announced to Alex's utter dismay, although he found himself entirely unable to protest and instead simply listened as the lad walked briskly, telling him all about how he'd just arrived that morning and still had no idea where anything was around this school. Well, at least Alex knew why this absurdly chatty boy was apparently so popular already, despite having come across so shy, sat as he had been, knees to his chest and utterly lost in whatever it was he was doing. Still, Alex found himself liking the odd turnaround, loving the way he spoke, quickly and enthusiastically, eager to converse and eyes darting around as they searched for a reaction. 

Alex, still a little lost in his own thoughts, swirling as they were based on this very odd ten minutes, barely registered any of Miles' words but appreciated his chatter anyway. He was begining to smile again, coaxed into it by some joke the lad was making but was startled to find that he'd actually made his way to the physics lab and was now faced with the highly embarrassing situation of having to explain that he didn't even take physics...

Miles chuckled for some reason as they stopped at the door and Alex snapped his gaze back up. 

"What?" He asked suspiciously unable to hide a gentle smile when he saw the lad's amused expression.

Miles adopted a comical tone, "he speaks!!!" He said loudly, feigning extreme surprise, then, when he'd calmed his laughing, he asked "so, after you then?" smirking as though he knew something. 

Alex internally groaned, "fucked if I take physics," he just about mumbled and Miles immediately burst into a cheerful laughter. Alex felt a surge of anxiety bubble up his throat, trapped as he'd been in his lie. He avoided eye contact, didn't bother with a response and instead pushed past Miles, eager to get away. Miles stopped him though, catching his arm. 

"Hey, wait a sec mate, sorry, sorry... I jus', I'm not laughing at you, it were just quite funny like, I don't know... You seemed so lost in thought, I didn't wanna distract ye... But Uhm anyways I've got English now, don't suppose you could point me in the right direction la?" 

Alex stared at Miles, took him in for a full moment. It was the first time since he'd spoken to Alex that he actually looked like he was being serious, no telling glimmer in his eye, no hint of a smile twitching at the corners of his lips. His down turned eyes held a frown and his brow was creased. He genuinely looked like he felt bad for mocking Alex, even as though he pitied him. This was also the first thing Alex had really properly listened to what Miles was saying that morning, first time he'd noticed Miles' accent or rather pinned it down, it was hard to miss the fact that his accent wasn't local and he certainly wasn't born and raised in the south but Alex hadn't before bothered to listen to each inflection, nor the colloquial terms that peppered his speech. It wasn't hard to pinpoint once he listened though. Scouse. His words were drenched in it, dripping off his tongue. He spoke liltingly, mellifluously, Alex was mesmerised. 

He found himself staring at the boy, taken in by his appearance, now that he was looking at him up close, not from across the room as he had been before he was able to fully confirm that Miles certainly a good looking lad. Alex wasn't all that surprised by the female attention he'd been getting earlier but was surprised to note the way that the realisation had his chest tightening a little with some cold feeling that he didn't dare to narrow down. 

His cheeks a deep crimson he blinked to snap himself back to reality, took a breath and then finally spoke, managing to maintain some dignity and utter a full sentence this time.

"I'm going there now, like properly... It's me next lesson, not even another physics situation, promise." 

Miles broke into a grin at that. "Great!" 

He managed a smile of his own in  response and then led the way, noticing the silence, noticing that Miles didn't chat away continually as he had done before, Alex walked a little way ahead, not even bothering to try to make conversation. It was awkward.

\--------

Miles internally sighed. Truth be told, he'd been looking forward to meeting Alex since he'd met Matt that morning. They'd got on instantly. Matt was chatty and friendly, immediately putting him at ease despite the fact that he was seriously nervous. Miles had known he'd be absolutely fine once he actually spoke to some people, he tended to get quite talkative, but to start with he was an introvert, he took little coaxing but it was still a fact. He was perfectly happy to sit alone with his thoughts. When he'd arrived that morning, he was hit by the fact that he stuck out. He was the new kid, just arrived that morning, tie firmly in place, hair meticulously styled and shoes carefully polished the night before. That wasn't what worried him though, he was certainly happy enough to dress smart, it was more the fact that it was mid term, a bad time to start a new school in a new city. He'd be lying if he said that all these new faces with their heavy accents and confusing colloquialisms didn't daunt him just a little. Still, he knew that it was better for him, for them to move up North. Just him and his mother now that his parents had split. He'd promised he'd help her get the butcher's shop set up, so he flashed her a quick, confident smile as she wished him goodbye, dropping him off that morning. A brave face because God knows she didn't need to be worrying about him all day.

That morning, 8:45 just as the bell rang for tutor time countless pairs of eyes customarily greeted the odd looking new kid with suspicion. Among them all had been Matt, sauntering into the room and sitting next to him as though they'd known each other for ages, introducing himself cheerily. Matt insisted that he join him and his friends for lunch. He went on to explain who he was talking about and when he mentioned his close knit group, bandmates, they were apparently; Jamie, Andy and Alex. Miles was immediately interested, questioning excitedly, lighting up as the conversation headed toward a familiar topic for him. He bang by explaining that he too played guitar and sang too. His smile faltered meted as he mentioned "The Little Flames". Matt watched him talk and  he sighed as he smiled and murmured, "barely a flame at all really," explained that he had had to leave his own band when he left for Sheffield. Matt consoled him but made a joke about him going solo, taking everyone by storm. He perked up at that and encouraged Matt to go on about his own band, about the others. Seeing that he was both the vocalist and guitarist of their band, Miles was naturally interested in Alex. When Matt spoke of the lad it was apparent that he adored him, they'd obviously known each other forever and Matt spoke with a very acute fondness. The way he describes him had Miles falling quieter, drawn in his own thoughts to this mystery boy, apparently artistically minded and highly focussed on literature and lyric. Apparently he also had a very similar timetable to Miles too. Naturally Miles had been looking forward to meeting him, the others too but already there's was something about Alex.

Over the course of the next couple of hours and his first two periods Miles had decidedly cheered up, he was glad to find that people warmed to him pretty quickly thanks to his bubbly personality. He was, however, very thankful when his first lesson was over and his timetable showed him to have a free study period arrived, happy to curl up and allow himself to be introverted again for a while. 

He didn't realise until he looked up from his notebook that the boy across the room was staring at him,  trying to be subtle about it. Miles found himself ever so slightly proud of the subtle attention, unable to miss the fact that he'd caught the interest of someone so lovely. Of course he didn't realise it was Alex immediately, only put that together when Alex awkwardly mumbled his name after Miles asked what lesson he had. He strongly suspecting, based in his conversation with Matt, that the lad did not have physics next. Admittedly it was odd knowing that Alex was watching him but he somehow liked to entertain the thought that Alex was just as interested in him as he was in Alex even though it was likely that he was simply interested because Miles was a new face, nothing more. 

He took a secret thrill in watching the pink of Alex's cheeks darken as he continued to get more and more flustered. Something about Alex's nervousness was endearing and, cruel though it may be, Miles couldn't help but try his absolute hardest to push all the wrong buttons, to watch the lad squirm, stumble over his words, to tease him just a little.

It was strange because they had just met, but Miles had a feeling. Perhaps it was because of the hour he had just spent under Alex's close scrutiny but that feeling bloomed into thoughts... hopes that they would be spending a lot of time together. 

\----------

Alex's eyes had been trained on the ground since they'd walked in. Having been given only a slight bollocking from their teacher, Alex ran a hand nervously through his hair and kept quiet. As Miles sat down next to him he studied the lad subtly, noticing the way he parted his lips and furrowed his brow in concentration, noticing that he still seemed distracted from earlier, noticing how he glanced across every so often and smiled shyly without showing his teeth and then double checked that Miles was managing to keep up with the lesson. 

Miles smiled, he could only hope that he was right and that he would indeed be seeing more of Alex.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: hi, again... Not much milex action in this chapter but loads more to come soon :) Thanks loads if you read/care and feedback is always appreciated!   
 —————-

Alex hurried out of the classroom as quickly as possible, uncharacteristic for him, preferring usually to take his time. Instead he pushed his chair back hastily, stuffing into his bag the barely read and highly doodled upon poem they were supposed to have been analysing. 

It wasn't his fault, he tried to reason, he'd just been so distracted. He’d spent much of the lesson avoiding eye contact with Miles, a fair bit of it wondering what the song in Miles’ head was that had him persistently tapping his fingers in rhythm with. Then he'd got to wondering about Miles some more, as if he'd not done that enough already this morning. Now though, with the added distraction of tapping fingers he became more intrigued. What kind of music did he listen to? Was it in common with Miles' own taste? Was he interested in music or had he simply been listening to a catchy song? What was he listening on? The radio? Did he have a Walkman? 

Alex's thoughts ran on obsessively while he blanked their teacher and scribbled blue biro into the hollows of the letters on the page. He felt eyes on him and flushed self consciously as his side vision caught Miles dropping his head down quickly. It happened once or twice more and next thing Alex was wondering why on earth Miles had sat next to him of all people when there was a perfectly good seat next to Louisa Goodall - generally acknowledged to be the fittest girl in their year who could also hold a reasonable conversation. Why? Why had Miles sat next to him when he was clearly an absolute idiot? Alex assumed it was because he was new, he didn't know anyone else there and they'd walked in together but then Miles kept smiling at him as well... Just shooting him soft uncertain glances as though he were trying to win him over. 

Try as he might Alex couldn't quite respond in kind, he wanted to smile back and focus on the poem and maybe even discuss its themes with Miles but he was too busy feeling confused, uncomfortable, wandering away in his mind for minutes at a time. In fact, the only brief moments of the lesson that he wasn’t daydreaming were when he was forced to listen to his teacher telling him to stop daydreaming and make some notes. 

So, as it happened, that morning he’d had one productive lesson and then spent an hour wasting his study period and had now just left English with a sheet of paper void of notes but with all the hollow letters scribbled in with blue biro - what was this boy doing to him?

\---------

At lunch Alex sat down opposite his mates and next to Matt as was customary, on their usual table in the dining room. Today though there was a sixth member of their party, sat next to Jamie and Nick, directly opposite Alex and looking straight at him with a slight smirk. 

Andy and Matt laughed loudly at whatever it was Miles had been telling them. Alex really didn’t mean to but he scowled at the new addition to their table. Before he could get to passive-aggressively pouring his water and angrily taking a sip Matt turned to him with a grin.

"So Al, ‘ow were physics?” This caused an unnecessarily loud bubble of laughter to rise from the rest of the group. Alex managed only a quiet and highly embarrassed, “fuck off,” to Matt and attempted to block out their teasing. He was acting unlike himself of course and someone was bound to notice soon but he couldn't help it, he kept his mouth shut and tried to let himself calm down before he actually made the new boy hate him. He was surely coming off as moody which certainly didn't help his image from the morning any further.

He noticed just before he looked down at the shredded sandwich crust on his tray that Miles wasn’t joining in with the laughter and instead was giving him that look again, the one that was maybe a little pitying. He pretended not to be aware of the way that Miles actively steered the conversation in a different direction, it wasn’t especially hard for him to do anyway as the other four were extremely interested in the exciting new boy. The fascinating new boy from out of town with the unique style and a sense of humour that Alex would relish usually and one that his friends were certainly enjoying. In short, Alex could rapidly see him becoming a firm part of their social circle. He wasn't opposed to the idea, not at all, he simply felt so out of sorts, so strangely affected by Miles' presence that he didn't know what to do with himself. Torn because so far he felt as though he was coming across as a quiet, shy, mess of a boy, easy to startle and a daydreamer to the extremes. He was all of those things but usually he managed to balance himself out, he could be charming, he had his own reputation with the girls of their year, was known for his sass even with some of the teachers. But miles had seen none of that, he knew nothing of that side to Alex and that's what had the boy tied in knots. The realisation was startling: he wanted to impress the interesting new boy, Miles Kane and so far he was most likely falling far far short.

Alex dropped his uneaten sandwich and sighed quietly forcing himself to lift his eyes and focus on Miles words about his favourite Bond film Then followed a very long winded discussion about Sean Connery as well as some appallingly attempted accents courtesy of Matt, whose previous life had definitely not seen him a Scotsman. He tried to focus on what everyone was saying but admittedly he was sidetracked. Not daydreaming this time but simply getting lost in appreciation for the way Miles spoke, noticing for the first time just how lovely the words actually sounded coming from Miles’ mouth. 

Alex said little, he usually didn’t much see the need to anyway but today he actively refrained, content to just listen, to his friends, to Miles. Yes, he could definitely listen to Miles speak…. However he was still uncomfortable, increasingly so with every slight smile thrown his way by Miles, making him fluster pathetically. 

It didn’t take Matt long to realise that something was up and ask him casually if he wanted to join him upstairs. Alex agreed quickly, grateful and moving with speed as he mutter his goodbyes. 

Miles' confusion was apparent but he joined in the chorus of “s’later,” that accompanied their exit.  
Miles sighed as Alex left with Matt, the two talking quietly with that level of friendship that a pair establishes when they have done everything together for such a large portion of their life. Matt's hand fell to Alex's shoulder and he noticed Alex speak with more animation than he'd seen all morning as they crossed to the door. He couldn’t help but feel a striking pang of homesickness. Not for the place necessarily but for his friends. It occurred to him that he would likely never have that bond like Alex and Matt did because all the friends he'd grown up together with were back home. Staring again in Sheffield meant starting everything again. 

"So... Those two off to bang or what?" Miles joked in reference to the other lads, to where they were going when they said “upstairs”. He earned himself heavy laughter and joined in with a cheeky grin but found himself to be immediately regaled with tales about their band and the music room that they liked to use for practice partly because nobody else did. Apparently "upstairs" from the dining room meant the perpetually empty music room that housed a very much functioning if slightly battered old drum kit, a few cellos and a tired old piano. Miles smiled as they talked and joined in with excitement, pleased to realise that these three lads and Matt, unlike Alex, seemed to have grown to like him. He was momentarily caught of guard when Jamie mentioned something. 

“Al’s got music next I think anyway so he’ll probably stay up there, d’you reckon?” He asked Nick, mumbling something about how the wanker had borrowed his pen and now he'd never get it back. 

Miles blinked, “wait.. Alex has music now?” He asked, frowning when Jamie nodded at him. 

“Oh… So do I,” he finally finished, “Uhm... glad I’ll know someone then.” 

His face must’ve displayed his slight uncertainty because the three chuckled.

"Oh don’t worry about him, he doesn’t hate you, Al ‘ardly ever speaks when it’s owt but us three and Matt, dead shy ‘e is,” Nick assured him, smiling slightly at his own description of Alex. Miles smiled too, secretly greatly cheered, hoping they were right and hoping he’d finally have a chance to talk to Alex, properly, to find out if he was worth getting to know as he suspected.

—————————————-

Matt grabbed a set of drumsticks from the box on the windowsill, sitting at the drums almost automatically, but he frowned when Alex didn’t say anything even in the privacy of the unused room. He sighed realising he'd need to prompt his friend into talking. 

“Right, come on, if you’ve not got a reason for being a mardy arse then you’d better start smiling!” When the corners of Alex's mouth turned up a little Matt grinned at him, glad he’d managed to coax a smile out of his friend with that phrase that both their mothers had used often to cheer them up over the years.

Alex almost immediately frowned again though. 

"Al, come on... what’s up? Are you gonna tell me or…” He tailed off. Alex sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. 

"I- I don’t know what it is Matt, I can’t concentrate.” He mumbled and Matt frowned. “Is this about that whole physics thing? Coz we were all joking about that I swear!” He assured, attempting a joking tone but obviously worried he’d upset his friend. Alex let out a slight laugh, “ta.”

Matt let himself smile a little as he continued. "Miles?were dead worried he’d pissed you off actually, he were so awkward about it.” 

Alex raised his head quickly at the mention of their new friend and of Matt didn’t fail to notice.

"What? Miles? What's wrong with Miles?” He asked quickly. 

"There is... Absolutely nowt wrong wi' 'I'm..." Alex half mumbled and was met with an expectant gaze from Matt who had now crossed his arms to demonstrate his patience... Or lack thereof. Alex ruffled his own hair awkwardly, the way he did when he felt unsure about something. He looked up, dropped his hand back to his side and stared straight into Matt’s slightly worried gaze.

“Look, don’t like... Don't laugh or ‘owt aye?” 

Matt frowned, “course not, speak,” he assured quickly.

Alex heaved a heavy sigh, “I dunno but I were just like .. Intrigued by him .. And the … Yeah … But I dunno, because ... He's just... I'm...? Well... Interested... And Yeah,” he tried to force the words out but as usual they were phrased awkwardly and he didn’t make a lot of sense, trailing off every new thought he tried to articulate.  
Luckily Matt was far too used to his friend’s broken speech. Matt's face was slowly shifting into an expression of understanding which served only to irritate Alex slightly because he didn't understand and if he didn't then how could Matt possibly think he himself could?

“You don’t hate him then?” Matt asked and Alex shook his head quickly. Too quickly maybe, plus if his wide eyes and reddened cheeks were anything to go by as he mumbled a gentle, "no". Well then Matt now had a fairly good idea of what the issue might be. He couldn’t help but smile to himself.


	4. Chapter 3

A/N: I am so sorry for the wait! I thought I'd already posted this one oops... But this actually took a really long time to edit OMG I basically rewrote it lol... also btw I’ve never studied music so idk anything about it xD (your comments give me life ily all) (A/N 2: let's try again??) \---------------- The end of lunchtime and the beginning of the afternoon lessons came as something of a relief to Alex after his interesting morning. Music had always been a class that catered well to the introvert within him since none of his close friends shared the class with him and since the class was fairly small and most of the work they did was alone. He settled into his seat and listened properly to his teacher ramble on and on about cadences for the first 10 minutes of the double lesson. If he could get through this two hours without being driven to distraction then he’d have had at least a half productive day, he’d walk home with Matt as usual and try to catch up with his morning work when he got home. Alex was just caught in the thought that he might actually get something done this lesson when the gentle peace was shattered. The door opened after a somewhat timid knock. Alex sat up a little straighter as his eyes joined 8 other sets in swivelling to see who was joining them. He cursed inwardly as a voice that was rapidly becoming extremely familiar sounded in the quiet of the classroom. “Uh - s-sorry I got lost, think I went up the wrong stairs.” He even smiled as he spoke and their teacher chuckled easily as he waved Miles into sitting down somewhere. Well, Alex thought, now he had absolutely no chance of getting any work done. He was even somehow unsurprised when Miles sat in the seat next to him. It was afterall the only one free since Alex was sat at the end of a single row. Miles would've had to sit either across the room, having to walk around everyone, or beside Alex. Somehow, much as he wanted to feel awkward about the whole thing asked found himself smiling properly when the lad uttered a cheery greeting. Soon enough their teacher had left the class to work through something or other in a textbook and had come to sit beside Miles, talking through the last few weeks work quickly. Alex was having trouble thinking about the assigned exercises as his ears had decide to tune into their conversation instead. He only caught snippets as he filled Miles in on things and then listened to where the lad was up to at his previous school. He heard Miles explain that he'd had lessons in saxophone and was self taught in guitar, he could read sheet music and could sight read apparently too. Alex immediately felt inadequate, thinking about his limited piano knowledge and decidedly slow sight reading skills. He'd barely decided to stop eavesdropping and start concentration when he caught his name as a part of the hushed conversation beside him. "I'll pair you with Alex since is notes are easily the most comprehensive, you should be able to catch up if I ask him to help you out a little." Alex wasn't sure what he felt more strongly, the colour rushing to his cheeks or the eyes that swivelled to glance at him from his left. He pushed the thought aside and barely contained a smile at the new knowledge. Not only would he get a chance to speak to Miles properly, but he'd also have a pre-determined point of conversation so hopefully he'd be able to come across better than he had all morning. He snapped himself out of his thoughts as Miles laughed lightly and their teacher stood, smiling. Next thing he was announcing that the class had graded projects to work on, going into the details quickly and handing out some information booklets. Some sort of duo work to be done with research, some writing and a final performance. Alex was so lost in his thoughts, thinking about whether it was fate playing such a part that of course he was partnered with Miles, he found himself wondering if somehow destiny had made their paths cross and pushed them together, it certainly seemed that way. He shook his head to clear it of such ridiculous and decidedly fairytale thoughts and only then realised that the room had broken into excited chatter and that Miles was looking at him quizzically. "What’re ya thinking about?” Miles asked, same smile still present as his gaze searched Alex's. Alex blinked. "Destiny," he replied saying no more and smirking slightly as Miles looked somewhat confused by his quick and unusual answer. "Oh, right,” he replied, grinning when he noticed Alex’s expression crease into an infectious smile. Miles couldn’t help but feel uplifted, Alex certainly seemed to be in a much better mood than he had been that morning, maybe his friends were right afterall. He couldn't be sure what it was since he barely knew the boy, but he did know that he was absolutely certain that he didn’t want to let his chance of a friendship with Alex slip away. Maybe it was all the things the other lads had mentioned about him, maybe it was the way Alex held mystery around him, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't initially seemed to like Miles. Miles just felt as though it was going to be a friendship that would need time and effort but that would be incredibly rewarding. He just had this feeling. He didn't really noticed that he'd been staring at Alex until he noticed his pale cheeks turn pink and his glistening eyes shift away. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “uh- uh sorry... anyway we’ve gotta do this uh ... Whatever this is...” He mumbled, realising he hadn’t read the bit of paper in front of them. To his relief, Alex let out a light laugh and began to explain what it was. Miles broke into a smile immediately, he was already right, Alex' laughter had taken half the day to coax but it was utterly worth it already, lilting and free. Miles watched him, listening to him speak properly for the first time, noticing how when he came to life he was still slow to express his thoughts. He took his time, not necessarily struggling, but choosing his words carefully. The way he spoke was stunning, the way he put certain phrases next to each other so deliberately was an unmissable quality. He had the most unusual ways of describing things and Miles was utterly entranced. He tuned back in when Alex stopped speaking for a second, taking a breath as he pondered how to sum it up before finally finishing his explanation. "So it’s any classic band, British band that is, from the last 50 years, this is the ‘popular music’ module, so yeah. And er all you've missed is a few weeks of us listening to "classic bands" and discussing their sound, I'd be happy to go over me notes with you sometime." Miles grinned at the way Alex made invisible quotation marks in the air with his fingers at the words “popular music”, he could now only hope Alex would be into the same sort of music as he was. His grin widened when Alex spoke again. “So uh, for the obvious I example... it could be like... the Beatles or summat... You know actually, I say "obvious" but I bet nobody goes for them cuz they're too "obvious" if... If that makes sense? But we could... Go fer 'em I mean, if you wanted to, I don’t know, do you like 'em? I mean often they’re just, like, there... And people sort of forget but, yeah and I'm quite, uh well I like them anyway as a band. Actually y'know they've a pretty dense discography I'm sure we could do some digging and find some really interesting stuff y'know? Ehh just an idea like, cuz, cuz we could, like, if you wanna choose another, um...” Alex noticed how he was becoming awkward again, suddenly feeling self conscious of his own interests. Widening his eyes and trailing off. Luckily Miles saved him from himself. "Alex... Calm down, that’s fine, I happen to love their music and as far as digging is required... I'm probably pretty well equipped." He winked and Alex blushed as he laughed, mumbling about his dirty sense of humour. "Great, so uh that’s settled then.” Alex smiled at him. Maybe this would be better than he thought. “So... You're a pretty big fan eh? That coz you’re from Liverpool? What's it like there... Is the whole city like... A shrine or summat?” Miles chuckled. “Oh... Oh yeh the Beatles thing? Well considering youre from round 'ere mate, it's hardly an 'exclusive to liverpool' thing.” Alex smirked, happy to hold a proper conversation with Miles, to have something to talk about and for it even to be going well. Miles laughed again, “you're not that far off with the shrine thing, they've got, like, city tours called 'Magical Mystery Tours' and there's at least three museums..." Alex laughed properly at that. "Ok that is a little ridiculous... Miles the city from which you hail is a Beatles fanatic." Miles smirked at him, "Oh, I’m not from Liverpool.” He dropped his gaze and began scribbling something down. “Oh.” Alex paused for a second and Miles grinned at his fleeting confusion. “Oh, it were just cuz-” “-Me accent? Yeah I know, but nah I’m from Meols,” he divulged, continuing to busily copy some of the notes from Alex’s tidy book, “oh right.” Miles was highly amused by the lad’s confusion, noticing from the corner of his eye that he just kept looking at him. “Where’s that?” He asked and Miles finally put his pen down and focussed on him. “The Wirral, so yeah you were pretty close with Liverpool, an’ I do 'ave the accent la,” he said cheekily. Alex smiled at him, wanting to tell him that he like it, the accent, but holding back just barely. He went back to his work then, although the curiosity was building. It was after all mid-term, a Wednesday and Miles was just starting his new school. Maybe he shouldn't ask. “Why’d you move?” He regretted blurting it out as soon as he noticed the tension settle in Miles’ shoulders. Miles hesitated for a second then continued to write, "Me mum started a new job. So, when’re you free to work on this project then?” He asked quietly, earlier lightness stripped from his tone although he seemed like he was trying not to let it show. Alex mentally kicked himself for making Miles uncomfortable, wanting to apologise but recognising the desire for a change in subject and so beginning instead to immediately rattle off the days that he was free to stay after school. Suddenly he found himself saying, “in fact, y'can come over this Saturday… yanno if yer free … or uhm if you wanna I mean, uh...” He stopped himself wondering why he’d said that since he’d just met Miles and barely knew him, but when Miles broke into a grin Alex felt a smile creep up again. "I’d really like that actually!” He offered and Alex realised that the same went for him, he really would like that. They had seemed to click, after an initial awkwardness the time hit right and the two were exchanging easily, smiles punctuating every sentence and laughter filling in the spaces. Miles was hilarious in fact, Alex knew some pretty funny people but Miles was something new. The two smiled at each other for a moment before Alex caught himself in his thoughts as he admired the way Miles’ eyes lit up, his cheeks went slightly pink as he cast his gaze back down. \------------ At the end of the day Miles was filled with a feeling of excitement and happiness. He couldn’t have hoped for a better first day and now as he walked beside Alex towards the school gates, laughing at some story or other about one of his ill fated band practices in Matt’s parents garage. As he explained that now all the practices took place at the Turner's he chuckled, buoyed up by the feeling that he would find a really good friend in Alex and the thought excited him. They parted ways when Alex met up with Matt and both boys offered him a friendly wave as they walked off. Miles smiled to himself, with Alex's notes in his bag and his number in his phone he meandered his way home, blaming his getting lost twice on the fact that he was still unfamiliar with the place as opposed to his wandering thoughts. ————– When they met after school Alex was much cheerier than Matt had expected given their lunchtime conversation. He glanced at him suspiciously as he began humming. “And 'ow were double music then?” he asked casually. Alex grinned at him. "It were actually great, Miles is in me class now too, he's dead good at music actually did ya know? But 'e's not from Liverpool though, I asked 'im, said he’s from somewhere or other in t'wirral, never 'eard of it like, can’t remember owt now but he’s dead into Beatles an’ that, we’ve got this project or summat to do, reckon it’ll be great-” Matt had to cut him off, knowing that Alex was incredibly excited and therefore likely to ramble, a lot. "Whoaaa okay Al, calm down, I get it, you and Miles are bezzies now, cool!” He smirked when he saw Alex blush, “sorry,” he mumbled, realising he’d just gone off on one. Matt simply chuckled, a knowing glint in his eye, “well I’m glad anyway, maybe you’ll stop being so moody no you’ve talked to 'im a bit!” Alex scowled momentarily, too cheerful to keep it up properly though, “fuck off Matt!” He smiled then, looking forward to seeing more of Miles, for him to come over that weekend, for them to work together on something they both enjoyed. Matt threw an arm round his shoulders and laughed as he promoted him to continue. "Go on then, tell me more?"


	5. Chapter 4

A/N: this took me so fucking long I'm so sorry, idk I was busy, nobody wants my life story so... on with the fic!

———–

Alex maintained a view that Friday was always, always the best evening. There were no immediate homework deadlines and nothing especially pressing to worry about school-wise for the next two days. For Alex it tended to be a time for fiddling away at his guitar, practicing riffs, fucking about with chord progressions and strumming patterns, getting frustrated if they didn’t sound right and eventually, inevitably, turning back to writing. It was always scribbles at first, barely legible, sprawling and half formed phrases. Time passed by quickly though and much later, still immersed in thought, Alex would hear his mother calling him for dinner and he'd find himself pulled back into focus, realising that the initially blank sheet was now covered in the tangled, twisting and turning phrases and themes, threaded together under the loose entitlement of “lyrics”. There would be crossings out, single words, some full lines, ideas, a sprawling mess really and of course still unfinished. As it would remain until applied to music when it would take shape and structure, words scribbled a little neater and crafted more carefully.

This Friday, however, was different. Alex felt a strange anticipation crawling along his spine, those kind of nerves that you feel in the pit of your stomach when you don’t know what to expect. 

When he finally got home from school he was already later than usual having become caught up talking to Miles for ages, unaware of Matt’s impatient whistling barely 5 metres away. In his bedroom he dumped his bag down as usual, but was feeling strangely exhausted. He chalked it up to Matt’s incessant teasing for the whole walk home. Matt, it seemed, had become rather irritatingly set on the idea of Alex’s Saturday afternoon plans being a “date”. Alex flushed a little even at the thought of it. Matt teased him often of course, he was most like a brother to him in that sense but this was something new, almost like there was a drive behind it. Maybe it was simply because he and Miles had been inseparable since their double music lesson that first day. Since then they were sharing stories, trading smiles and quiet laughter, already forming "in jokes" and already eager to see more if each other than necessary, choosing to spend breaks and lunchtime in one another's company. Alex for one shook the thought off, putting it down to the fact that Miles was new and needed someone to show him around. That and the lad was really funny, they shared interests and Alex felt comfortable around him, as though they’d met and become friends years ago.

As he made a clear space to sit on the bed, Alex found himself surveying the room with contempt. It was a mess. Of course he knew his room was a mess, but for some reason it had never bothered him too much. Certainly not enough for him to do anything about it. Besides, it wasn’t a disgusting mess, just stacks of books and paper and carelessly tossed clothes littering the floor and draped across the bed frame. It wasn’t like you couldn’t move around in there, the desk even had a clear space just larger than a piece of A4 paper which served well enough for doing his homework. He sighed heavily, feeling oddly unhappy with the state and feeling a definite desire to tidy the fuck up, not because Miles was coming over though, of course, he told himself sternly, that would be utterly ridiculous, he never tidied up for Matt or his other friends… He got to work, pushing aside the thought that Miles was somehow different and absolutely trampling the notion that Miles was special.

It took him longer than he’d expected really and soon enough, although he hadn’t heard her come home, he heard his mother’s distinctive knock on his bedroom door, just about audible over the CD player in the corner. Mrs Turner glared at it pointedly and Alex dutifully turned it down, realising that it was in fact a little louder than strictly necessary. 

“I was wondering what all the banging wa-" she began, interrupting herself quickly, "hold on, are you... tidying your room?” she asked, mock incredulously. 

“Yeah?” He said as though stating the obvious, which he supposed he was. She continued to survey the now almost tidy room, stepping towards him in faux shock and regarding him oddly for a second or two.

"Oh dear, are you feeling ok, love?” she asked, pretending to check for a temperature, frowning for half a second and then ruffling his hair with a slight laugh. He shrugged her off, unamused. The combination of frustration from having wasted his evening tidying and irritation after Matt's pestering all day we're starting to make him short on patience. Added to that he was tired and pretty hungry and although he wouldn't admit it was staring to become nervous about his plans for the following day. 

“Mum!" He snapped, "I’m fine..." He forced himself to calm a little, after all his mother was in a great mood, it wasn't fair that he should be so short with her. 

"It were messy,” he defended quietly, not meeting her eye. “So I’ve been saying for the past, Oooh I dunno six months?” She said, pretending to think hard and chuckling again. Alex hid his scowl but said nothing. 

When she realised Alex was not in any sort of joking mood Penny sighed. 

"Alright, tea’s nearly ready, come down will you?” She turned to leave but stopped before she did, “-oh, almost forgot, your father and I are away this weekend, will you be ok on your own?” She asked, studying her son. 

Alex only scowled some more, “mum, I’m 17, not 7!” He grumbled, turning around to put the CD back on, not quite managing to drown out his mother’s very much amused, parting words. 

“Don’t I know it, right moody teenager you’re being!” She laughed cheerily, still amused by his mood as she closed the door behind her.

Dinner was an experience as well. Alex simply couldn't stop his mind from racing. He wasn’t especially hungry anymore anyway and he just picked at his food for the most part, poking his peas while he tried to will himself to calm the fuck down. He was acting ridiculous, infact he was acting alarmingly similar to how he might be if Matt's teasing had any real basis.... Alex shoved that thought out about as quickly as it had arrived and instead tried to rationalise how he felt. He’d had friends over often enough, he and Miles got on well, Miles was no different from his other friends, Miles was not special and he definitely hadn’t tidied his room in an effort to impress. Okay rationalising certainly wasn't working, his mind apparently took the defensive and deflective route instead, landing him in an insecure mental battle that he was rapidly losing.

Thankfully his mothers’ words pulled him out if spiralling nervous thoughts, he really was far over thinking this. 

"Well David, luckily enough, our darling son Alex here, is 17 … not 7, and will therefore be perfectly alright on his own all weekend.” David chuckled at that. 

“Well I’m not on me own all weekend anyway,” Alex muttered defiantly, “I’m having a friend over actually.” 

His mother eyed him suspiciously once the surprised look left her eyes. “Is this why you were tidying your room?” Oh fuck, he’d walked into this one. "Have I met this friend? You’ve never felt a need to tidy your room for any other friends,” She continued and she was far too right for Alex’s liking. 

“Is this a girl friend?” She uttered next, stressing the word "girl" so that he knew exactly what sense of the word she was meaning.

He felt the blood rush to his face at her words, remembering Matt’s teasing earlier. 

“No! No... he's just... New that's all, started on Wednesday.” He mumbled, staring hard at his scattered peas and apparently he sounded embarrassed enough to merit an end to the conversation.

—————–

Miles stood exasperated, awkwardly leaning against the low wall. He checked the number of the house yet again, pulling out his phone to look at his messages. 7. 

He’d double checked, the house number was definitely 7 according to Alex’s last text. Miles had since asked what time he should come over, but he’d received no answer and after much deliberation, had decided that Alex had suggested the whole afternoon to work on their project. So he’d gone over straight after he finished his promised morning shift in his mum’s shop. He knew she needed the extra pair of hands, especially on a Saturday morning, but eventually she kicked him out. She seemed to be more excited about his making a “new friend” than he was. Or at least pretended to be. Miles had been a picture of nonchalance all morning, answering her questions with one word answers where he could and two or three at most where he had to.

"Is Alex nice then?" She'd say. "Course," he'd mumble. 

"What's the project for, love?" He'd look up for a brief moment. "Music," he'd sigh, and so the morning went on until she got so fed up with his lack of enthusiasm that she literally told him to leave. The words "neither use nor ornament" certainly left her mouth as she shooed Miles out of the shop and upstairs to grab his stuff. She called a fond goodbye as he left, checking his hair in the reflection of the glass and that was that. 

Thus Miles found himself standing outside number 7, only three streets away from their new house... “home”... he mentally corrected. He sighed and stared off down the empty road for a moment wondering if maybe he'd been stood up. No, no Alex didn't seem like that sort of kid, and he'd seemed excited enough when they were texting the night before.

He knocked on the door for what he vowed was the last time. Again he received no reply and, after a moment or two, straightening his jacket, he turned to leave. 

He'd barely made it two steps when he saw a familiar figure approaching. Alex looked surprised to see him, immediately garbling some stuff about football practice and what even was the time?? He looked immediately flustered and Miles of course immediately forgave him. In fact, Alex visibly startled when he saw Miles outside his house looking like he was just about to leave. 

“Shit, ‘ave you been 'ere long? M'sorry, we 'ad football all mornin’ but it always runs over... eh what time is it anyway?” He asked hurriedly, realising that he must’ve been especially late that day, he blamed Matt and his constant questioning about this afternoon’s “date”. He was still at it from the night before and he’d been relentless all morning, Jamie joined in too and Alex was at his wit's end.

Miles quickly shook his head, “don’t worry, I’d just barely arrived actually," he lied, hoping to placate the lad. "You did take yer time, thought you’d stood me up la, never replied to me text neither," he uttered, grinning as Alex looked relieved and then mildly horrified. 

“Ah fook, was in a rush this mornin', forgot me phone,” he explained swinging his boot bag on his wrist as he dug around for a house key in the pocket of his shorts. Miles leant against the wall, watching Alex struggle with his search. He tried not to stare at the way the loose fitting football jersey hung from Alex’s shoulders, sleeves pushed up roughly a good few inches, showing off slightly muscled forearms and wrists, spattered with mud from the morning's practice and lightly tanned from the summer. He got just as far as noticing how well Alex’s shorts fit before he had to actively look away, glad he was distracted by how Alex was now attacking the door with his key and murmuring gentle curses as it apparently kept sticking. Miles regarded him with a strange fondness for someone he'd only known a few days and smiled a little when finally the lad managed to unlock it, celebrating with a soft cheer.

Miles followed Alex inside, closing the door behind him as Alex continued speaking, seemingly talking fast with nerves.

"Yeah... But Anyways... I meant to say come over 'round one, but me phone’s upstairs an’ that so yeah…” Miles nodded, following him like a lost sheep but feeling like he ought to make some response.

“Well I figured I’d just come straight over when me mum kicked me out of the shop, usually I’d work later on Saturdays coz it’s busier but ….” He gestured to his guitar and then at Alex and smiled widely. 

Alex led them to the kitchen and fetched a glass of water for them both in lieu of having anything else to drink other than milk. He leant against the counter and watched Miles do the same before he found himself looking at Miles quizzically.

“Wait, where do you work?” 

Miles grinned. "Nah, nowhere fancy, mum owns the butchers, just set it up, I’m gonna help out on weekends an’ that,” Alex nodded thoughtfully. 

“Where’s your dad work?” He asked, flicking a bit of mud off his arm and entirely missing Miles’ face cloud over in a frown. He looked up when Miles cleared his throat quietly, watched him stare into his half empty glass instead of meeting his eye. Miles studied his own finger tracing the rim of the glass, feather light, he didn’t look up when he spoke. "Um, dunno actually, he er, he 'asn’t spoke to me since we left Meols... I’m not... I'm not bothered like, it dun’t bother me, just like, mum needs a hand with stuff like the shop, that’s why I moved with 'er 'stead of stayin’ with Dad…” He tailed off and Alex couldn’t have felt more guilty.

“Miles-” Miles looked up then, his face blank, “-sorry, I... I’m sorry.”

Miles broke into a smile that Alex couldn't entirely accurately label the authenticity of. "S'alright, but there y'are, that’s why we moved to Sheffield, mum wanted a fresh start, and uh, here we are,” he grinned then and Alex relaxed a little, smiling at him softly.

Miles sought to lighten the mood, grinning mischievously as he dipped his fingers into his glass of water, taking a half step towards Alex so that they were far too close. He looked at the shorter lad, feeling incredibly triumphant when Alex held his breath at the new proximity and then apparently pre-empted what was about to happen, the expression on his face switching rapidly from confusion, to understanding, to surprise when Miles snapped his fingers right in Alex’s face. He watched in amusement as he blinked and sputtered hopelessly, the drops of water splashing into his face, causing the mud caked onto his skin at one temple to run down his face in a stilted brown stream. Miles couldn’t help but smile even wider when he saw Alex’s own blinding grin. He anticipated his move the second he put his hand into his own water, splashing Miles back. 

Soon they were giggling like children, continually splashing one another until the floor was sporting small puddles and Alex had muddy rivulets streaming down his face, breathing ever so slightly quickened by the short-lived game. 

Miles grinned as he stood far too close to Alex, reaching around him to put his mostly empty glass on the counter beside Alex’s. Since he was so close he took the opportunity to tease, or flirt, call it what you will, Miles went with “teasing” for the time being. He was a natural flirt though, pulled the birds quite easily with his charming manner. He pushed aside the fact that he wasn’t pulling some bird, that this was his new mate, male mate at that. He leaned close, dropping his voice to just above a whisper.

"You’ve got something … Just there,” he brought a hand up to Alex’s cheek, using his thumb to brush away a particularly obvious blob of watery mud. He smirked when his actions caused Alex’s eyes to widen, his cheeks to flush dramatically. He pulled away, chuckling and smiled lightly at the reaction he got, coaxing a smile from the lad in turn.


	6. Chapter 5

A/N: phewww sorry for delays, it's almost 1am and I'm still editing this oops! Anyways I think you'll all like this chapter (even if I don't like how it turned out lol) it's pretty Milexy :)

\-----------

The two didn't leave the kitchen and Alex didn't speak for a while, just occupied himself with watching Miles grin at him. He admired the lad's carefree smile, melodic laughter, the sort of gentle contented noise that really only sounds when you're completely comfortable with someone. Alex grinned back with just as much ease. 

"Alright, alright, you're not that funny Kane," he said, his smile evident in his voice, betraying his words and even the very moment he said it he knew he was lying. Miles had an infectious laugh for sure and Alex only found himself struggling to catch breath in response to his barely intelligible coughed out words. 

"Heh- shoulda seen ya face mate, fuckin' priceless." Alex grinned, forgetting his embarrassment. A vague attempt at payback was formulating as he rapidly began to realise that the foundations of this friendship were likely going to be forged on a basis of teasing wit fluid comebacks, a series of give and take that came so naturally to Alex that he barely had a moment to be surprised.

Thinking a little harder about what he had in mind Alex steeled himself and took a measured breath, two could play at this game. He crossed the kitchen, very aware that Miles' eyes were on his back, making him smile self-consciously as he averted his gaze and picked up the first t-shirt of his from the ironing pile on the corner of the kitchen table. With his back still turned and in one smooth motion he pulled off his muddy football jersey, sticking it the washing machine. When he turned around again - still sans jersey - he smirked knowingly at the fact that Miles had clearly rapidly looked away, eyes darting around as his gaze tried to settle on something else in the room. Alex forgot to feel nervous around his new friend for a second, took his time putting his clean tshirt on, part of him wondering where on earth this side of him had sprung from. This was the lad who was ever so slightly awkward about getting changed for P.E. infront of everyone, always just a little conscious of his skinny build and pale skin. For some reason, and despite all his previous awkwardness, getting back at Miles in such a way was extremely fun. In fact, he could hardly stop the next words freeing themselves from his lips, altered in tone by the obvious smile behind them. 

"See summat ya like Miles?" He asked, dragging out the boy's name just to up the flirtiness a little. 

Miles looked up then, finally. "eh? What, er nope, dunno what am I lookin' for?" He stuttered, eyes purposely attached to Alex's, refusing to let them wander at all, refusing to let his gaze settle on his shoulders and the way the t-shirt he'd changed into fell over his frame. He felt his cheeks burn as he saw the boy's grin and could only hope they weren't visibly reddened. 

"Er, uhm," Miles coughed, cleaning his throat. "I think yer mam's left ya a note," he sidetracked quickly, eyes finally settling on the counter top and the note that lay there. 

Alex frowned lightly, searching out the lad's face and once again feeling a subtle gnawing of anxiety over the fact that he might have embarrassed Miles. He sighed as he followed his gaze. 

"Oh aye, can ya read it out for us?" He asked, all flirtatious lightness stripped from his tone as he turned to take their glasses and put them away in the dishwasher. 

Miles immediately noticed the shift in atmosphere, feeling things prickle with awkwardness once again. With Alex things were either easier than breathing or a tentative eggshell tread that had the lad forgetting how to take in air. Seeking once more to lighten the mood, he did as asked and read aloud Alex's mother's neat script. 

"Dearest Alexander, my darling cherished boy, whom I love dearly..." He began, assuming an airy tone but collapsing into that lilting infectious laughter just as soon as he'd proclaimed the sentence. He caught Alex's amused smile and kept up his own. 

"Nah m'only messin'," he clarified. Alex grinned properly. "I'll tell me mum all about yer imitations yanno." Miles felt buoyed up again, immediately but ignored the lad lest he should once more be caught by some detail of his features. Clearing his throat to start again, he looked down at the paper once more. 

"Right, "Al, won't be back till late on Sunday, don't burn the 'ouse down, luckily I trust you, (since you're 17 not 7) By the way, if yer date wants to stay the night that's fine, I'll let ya order pizza, don't do anything I wouldn't, Mum." He read. Alex initially smiled at how Miles read his mother's words in his own accent but when he raised an eyebrow halfway through at the words "your date" and smirked, Alex groaned.

Next thing the lad was smiling sheepishly and mumbling, "god she's so embarrassing, sorry 'bout that she thinks you're me girlfriend." Alex was surprised when Miles' response was merely hearty laughter. 

"Is that what you told 'er eh? Told yer mam I'm yer bird?" Miles found himself hilarious and Alex once again couldn't help cracking up, until he realised the real meaning of Miles' words. He felt himself go red then. 

"Piss off yeah?" He murmured no heat in his words but a little less humour than he'd intended. He certainly didn't want to snap at Miles and he was more annoyed at himself really, his earlier, previous cockiness having vanished quicker than it came and he studied his feet intently.

Miles stopped laughing, wondering where the quiet, awkward boy he'd first met had suddenly sprung from. He frowned but couldn't entirely say he disliked it, Alex was so shy it was downright endearing. 

"Alright, sorry la." Miles remarked more softly as he took the time to watch Alex for a moment or two. His dark hair, still a little damp from their earlier antics, had fallen into his eyes, making him look young and somewhat insecure. Alex shuffled about for a moment apparently lost in thought, visibly snapping himself out of it the moment he heard Miles speak again. 

"So, erm 'ow long 'ave ya played guitar for anyways?"

Alex looked up from under his hair, lighting up at the new topic of conversation and forcing himself out of his awkwardness to make eye contact again. Miles' eyes sparkled, drawing him in quickly and deeply. He couldn't help it, the light reflected off of the golden flecks in them, they were truly lovely. Even in his head Alex felt ridiculous, admiring his friend's eyes, but he just couldn't look away.

"Erm got me guitar for Christmas so like, nearly a year I reckon. Everyone else started playing then too, like... we all got Christmas presents of instruments, it were like a thing, we was a gang before we was a band." 

Miles was surprised, "no way, and you're all the same like, yeh've not been playin a year yet? Sound." He smiled, secretly impressed. Although he knew there was every chance that Alex's band was noticeably beginner standard, something told Miles that Alex's quiet, modest "nah" and tiny hint of a frown whenever he'd asked, suggested that they were in fact good and Alex was merely insecure. Besides there was also the way he and his friends talked about music, they knew things, tried hard, appreciated music and writing, they talked about some pretty difficult covers they'd done. Miles doubted they were dreadful. The more he watched Alex frown at the middle distance and carefully ruffle his hair, the more he believed it.

Alex seemed to mentally shake himself once more, apparently realising he'd been zoning out yet again. 

"Anyway, what about you Kane? Been playin' long? Are ya good?" 

Miles smiled, showing his crooked teeth. "Eh, not bad like, been at it a coupla years now." 

Alex grinned properly then, every word from Miles' mouth seemed to make him smile. 

"You wanna get a move on then? Show me what you can play!" He insisted, unable to keep the excitement from his voice and finding that Miles' features spread into a delighted smile in response.

\---------

Miles smiled at the way Alex chose to sit cross legged in the middle of his bed, leaving space for him to do the same. He couldn't avoid thinking that Alex looked really sweet, almost curled up with his acoustic guitar across his knees and still wearing his football socks and shorts. Miles took his own guitar and mimicked Alex's position. He smiled at the boy across from him who was intently leaning over the instrument and poking random frets. 

"Alright babeh, I wanna know what kinda style we're going for here, play us a tune," Miles ushered exaggeratedly, earning an eye roll and some blushing from Alex.

Alex, caught a little off guard and pretending it wasn't because of Miles' casual nicknaming, had to think for a moment about what kind of style exactly he was thinking about going for. He took a moment to feel immensely self conscious of the way the boy was watching and then eventually, nervously he began playing, deliberately training his eyes on the frets so that he didn't have to look up at Miles. Not that he needed to see what he was doing of course, he was well acquainted with the workings of his guitar, but looking down also helped hide the flush that continually crept up his cheeks. 

Miles' eyes widened in recognition as soon as he began playing. He watched and listened happily, the song Alex had chosen being a personal favourite. Not only that but Alex was good, really good, he changed chords effortlessly, strumming gently and rhythmically. 

Miles could tell he was shy though and when he started singing it took him entirely by surprise. He wasn't really expecting vocals based on how delicately and nervously he'd started but they certainly fit. His voice was a low and quiet, almost mumble and Miles guessed the boy was too self conscious in front of an almost stranger to sing fully. Still it sounded great, Miles leant just a little closer to hear more, tempted to join in but stopping himself because Alex's voice was beautiful, if a little roughened. Miles smiled properly at the Northern twang that didn't quite leave even in song. 

When Alex finished he didn't look up. Miles kept quiet for a moment before prompted him gently, "Al? That were boss! Love that tune, were gonna join in but yer voice is too good not to 'ear, shoulda sang louder mate." 

Alex smiled first at the fact that Miles called him "Al". It wasn't unusual for him to hear the nickname, in fact all his close friends and his family used it, but Miles had only ever called him "Alex" before. Also Miles spoke so genuinely and sounded so excited that Alex really felt cheered by the lad. The compliments were too much though, he never could take a compliment gracefully, just studying his fingers for a moment before clearing his throat, unsure how to respond to such words. 

"You do know, absolutely fuckin no one uses the word "boss" mate?" 

Miles grinned, "eh I'm one of a kind!" He winked and just like that the tension diffused, Alex smiled and their easy banter began to flow with little sign of ceasing.

As the afternoon rolled on Alex was increasingly amazed by Miles' talent and enthusiasm. Of course he had no idea that the other lad's thoughts ran a similar route. Conversation flowed and while in reality it was about mundane things such as "that teacher that nobody likes" and "why the fuck do we have to wear ties to school anyway?" Alex felt that at the time it was surely the most riveting conversation of his life. They talked about each other, found out how similar they were, talked about bands they liked, their favourite foods, the last movie they'd both seen - the same one coincidentally. They talked about Alex's other friends and Miles talked about those he'd left behind. They shared their views on things from condiments to football teams. It was so easy and so light, time passing quickly and smiles and laughter accompanying the turn of each new minute.

At some point during the afternoon, they ambled downstairs for a cup of tea chattering, still away about nothing and everything. Alex raided the cupboards for some kind of snack and emerged with two breakaways, smiling at Miles as he placed them on the counter.

"They're the best thing, mum always gets these!" 

Miles looked thoughtful for a moment. "Y'know I was thinking this before, I reckon... our mums... they'd get on dead well." 

Alex frowned in confusion. "Why's 'at, yeh've never met me mum." 

Miles gestured around the room, "ehm, noticed it earlier, same nick-knacks, like everywhere," he thought for a second, "me mum's got this very same kitchen table," he paused, picking up his yellow wrapped chocolate bar, "oh aye, these an' all, me mum always gets 'em." Alex grinned at that, "oh yeah? Weird!" 

As the afternoon wore on they got heavily into what they were doing, played quietly and discussed things in depth. So engrossed in their music were the two that they didn't notice it getting dark out. When Miles looked up he frowned before cursing. Alex startled slightly at the break in the quiet. "What's wrong?" He asked, also frowning. Miles dug around for his phone in his pocket, cursing the whole time which admittedly made Alex laugh as he became more and more colourful in his language. Alex tried to hold it back upon seeing the lad's distress but Miles was ignoring him anyway. 

"Ahhh fuck it is so late, mum was expecting me home sooo long ago, ughh fuck," Miles groaned as he looked in vain for his phone and ran a hand through his usually well styled hair. Cheering a little when he finally fished it out of his pocket. "Agh shit, it's so much later than I thought, I blame you Turner, you're so distracting..." 

Alex cut in then, "you can stay over if ya want?" He asked, pretending it was casual and that the very idea didn't have metaphorical butterflies attacking the walls of his stomach. Miles stopped cursing and fumbling for a second to smirk up at him.

"Ooh aye? Am I yer bird then? Yer mum's letting me stay over as long as we don't do owt she wouldn't?" 

Alex hit his arm but couldn't help smiling. "Fuck off I were just sayin'!" Miles smiled then, "yeah, that's boss, if ya don't mind anyways, I'll just text home." Miles busied himself with his phone and Alex sniggered at his use of the word "boss" yet again.

When Miles' mother had replied with an affirmative, Alex's mind raced, suddenly all too aware of the proximity of the other lad, realising they'd unwittingly been sat that close the whole time. He fought the blush threatening to turn his ears hot and sought to occupy his mind with something else. 

Miles cheered a little at his mother's reply, she seemed to be scarily willing just because she was glad he had a friend but he certainly wasn't complaining. He looked up to see Alex fidgeting and he inwardly smiled at how close they were sat, legs crossed and sat on the bed his knee was barely and inch from Alex's, he hadn't noticed before but he certainly didn't dislike it. Alex broke the silence shortly after. 

"So Miles, tell me, in t'wirral, do people often go around swearing like a sailor every time they lose their phone or is that just you?" He couldn't control his amusement when he caught Miles' eye and despite the fact his words weren't even that funny, the two dissolved into laughter yet again. 

The more Miles looked at Alex, the more he noticed smaller and smaller things; like the little crinkles by his eyes when he laughed, and how when he thought hard about something his shook a hand through his hair quickly as though it would help focused his disobedient thoughts. Miles couldn't deny he was looking forward to staying the night, spending more time with Alex and getting to know more and more about the fascinating boy.


	7. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm so so sorry for how long this took! I'd bore you with the details but you've waited long enough to read this shit xD I think the chapter is quite a nice one though, it's a personal fave so I certainly hope you agree, lemme know of course :) thanks for reading!

\-----------------

It wasn't like he was purposely staring at Miles. He certainly didn't mean to let his eyes fix on the boy but Miles seemed to have that effect on him, had done from the very moment Alex first saw him. For some reason though, right now, in this light, Miles looked enchanting, not just lovely but utterly demanding of attention. 

He was focussed on whatever it was he was plucking, Alex almost couldn't hear it with how hard he was concentrating. The room was mostly dark, the only source of light coming from outside the window and an orangey, flickering street lamp just a few metres down the street. It did illuminate the room but just barely, the shadows cast painted long and slender and pitch black against the lighter hues seeping around then. Something about the lighting made everything feel close, an intimacy enhanced exponentially by the fact that the only real sound came from the measured careful plucking and strumming of Miles' guitar. 

The way Miles was facing meant he had one side of his face cast into shadow, the other tinted by the orange light so that it was bathed in something akin to warmth. His hair was long, fashionably so and falling across one eye where his head was tilted but Alex could still clearly see his concentration, evident in the slight frown he wore as he he kept his eyes trained on long fingers steadily moving in their delicate rise and fall pattern. 

Alex watched, barely breathing, taking in detail after detail, his thoughts wandering, turning over everything his gaze fell upon. When he felt the word "beautiful" being tossed around in his mind, he finally had to shake himself out of this trance that Miles had him in.

\-------------

Miles looked up from his guitar the moment he heard Alex speak, just above a whisper. He'd been caught up and lost in that new world of music, in a focus that shifted easily and stuck hard as he let the notes filter through the air. But then there was Alex's voice, soft and grainy, like when you first wake up, the muted tone lending itself to the atmosphere. Miles felt for a moment that they were the only two in the world just then, cocooned in a feeling that was certainly reflected in the heaviness of the air around them and the late autumn weather and rapidly descending dusk outside. The darkness falling made everything feel like a vacuum, the house empty aside from him and Alex. Alone with their thoughts and their music the two of them were all that mattered right now. Alex hadn't even forced out a full sentence, but Miles stopped playing and met Alex's eyes, the light from outside the window glinting off of dark irises, allowing for a mesmerising sparkle. 

"Don't stop." Alex whispered, eyes never leaving Miles' even when he felt the heat creep up his neck in a soft blush. Miles obediently let his fingers continue their still unfamiliar pattern, but he didn't look away, refused to miss such a raw display of honesty. 

Hours could've passed, Alex's lips were slightly parted, his breathing regular as though he were extremely comfortable in the situation, only his heavy blush gave him away. Miles said nothing. 

He said nothing until his shaking fingers twanged on the wrong string and both of them immediately dropped their gaze, both looking down as Miles cursed himself for not paying enough attention. Or rather, his rational though reasoned, he'd been paying too much attention. Either way he'd broken the moment and disappointment struck somewhere in his chest. 

"Ah fuck," he muttered not looking up immediately but catching Alex's eye when he did so, bashful in the wake of his error. Alex flustered yet again, now that the moment was gone, clearing his throat and blinking as though he'd just noticed he could barely see.

"Eh, yeah so, er 'ow bout I order that pizza then?" 

Miles thought about teasing him for his endless shy embarrassment, for the way his cheeks coloured so easily and he flustered so obviously but realised he somehow found it endearing. Not cute, obviously, he wasn't some mid-teen girl with a crush. No, Alex's habit of avoiding eye contact and studying his fingers while muttering half formed sentences was endearing. Instead of the teasing, he nodded, somehow tongue-tied, breathless. It was rare for him to be so entirely unable to say anything. 

\---------

There was no denying that both had felt the moment upstairs, that both had been drawn in by the other and had lapsed into intimate silence as thoughts began wandering, but it had dissipated soon enough. Alex spoke their pizza order into the phone with little mishap despite the way Miles was intent on delaying him, pulling faces and distracting him with rude gestures. It shouldn't have been as funny as it was but Alex found himself laughing all the same. Miles was incredibly funny, he had this ability to make Alex laugh like nobody else he knew, even when it was something ridiculous as this. 

When they were sat on opposite sides of the room, pretending not to notice one another's smirks and pretending to focus on the program on the TV Alex found himself subtly reaching for a cushion. Not usually one to start things he actually managed to surprise himself when all of a sudden Miles was squawking a token protest at the feathery missile that landed right in his face. It barely took a second for him to pitch it back. 

Alex felt like a child, giggling as he was at their idiotic ways. Soon enough, but unsure how it happened they were both on the same side of the sofa, just across from each other, resorting to just hitting one another with cushions at this close range. It took a little longer for him to realise the position that they were sat in. Or rather the position that Miles was sat in... directly on top of him.

\------------

Miles must have noticed his position first, stopped laughing immediately. As far as he was aware the tension could've been cut with a fucking spoon with how tangible it was, thickening the air between them. But when he realised Alex hadn't yet noticed he found himself smiling easily just at the sight of the other boy. Alex had his eyes closed, mouth open wide as he laughed, properly laughed, giggles that had his shoulders shaking. Miles could even feel the soft jolts through the arm that he had propping him up, directly against Alex's shoulder. He sat up quickly though when Alex stopped laughing, eyes wide as he bit his lip and then blinked. 

Maybe Miles was mistaken but he was sure that those deep brown eyes flickered to his lips and then back up. 

\-----------------

A scarily timely sharp knock on the door had Alex hastily dragging his gaze away. He chuckled awkwardly as he pushed the lad, trying to appear cool although his mind was tumbling over everything. This was all incredibly cliche for starters. The "why don't you stay the night?" And the pizza and a DVD thing, right down to the pillow fight and the literal saved by the bell moment that he was sure they had just experienced. Maybe Miles hadn't felt it but there was a pull that Alex was scared to think about. When their eyes met his had flitted for half a second almost subconsciously to the lad's lips. A soft pink although he wasn't sure why he'd noticed that specifically. He was sure however that he was becoming strangely attached to Miles. 

He was lost though, could certainly say that he'd never felt like this before, he couldn't help but wonder if this was the sort of thing that tended to happen, did people feel this way about new friends? He couldn't say especially, having never actually made new friends like this, they all really just grew up together, forming their close bonds that way. In some ways Alex already felt as close to Miles as he did to his other friends. The afternoon they'd just shared had cemented something, there was a bond tied in sharing such intimate music playing that had opened something up within Alex rendering it something that he couldn't even compare to any other relationship. 

Then there was the physical attraction. It scared him to think of how immediately he'd been sucked in. Sure he'd got off with girls he'd just met at parties but he'd only ever at a stretch managed a few awkward dates. Alex had only had one real relationship but he'd be lying if he said she was ever really much more than a friend, they hadn't even dated long, shared a couple of awkward kisses, bumping noses and misplaced limbs. Ultimately they'd friend-zoned one other when it became too awkward. Again, he and Johanna had grown up together, she was a family friend and they only really got together because everyone had assumed it would happen at some point. Alex had once or twice wondered if people would've been so full of assumptions had Johanna been a boy but ultimately he'd settled on the fact that he needn't bother wondering and that he'd cross any other bridges if or when he came to them. 

He was startled from his thought process, attention forced back to the pizza in his hands when his stomach gave a growl of complaint. He tried not to dwell on the fact that he'd just been thinking of Miles in the same breath as his ex girlfriend and the same train of thought as bridges that he might need to cross but the fact remained that he'd wanted to kiss Miles just then more than he'd ever desired kissing Johanna or any other person he'd just met, even at some shitty party where he was much too drunk and some girl was leaning on him for "support" and his mates were offering him looks of encouragement while he steadied her. 

He thought back to Wednesday lunchtime when Matt had asked in no uncertain terms whether he liked Miles. He hadn't answered, but then again, Matt had always known him better than he knew himself. Although undoubtably he was confused and somewhat startled at his chaotic thought process, Alex felt a newfound excitement course through his mind, feeling around the edges of untested thought process, desperate for a foothold. 

In the time it had taken him to collect their food at the door and meander back to the living room, pizza in hand, thoughts distracting him, Miles had got himself comfy and was flicking through the channels. Alex smiled slightly at how he was so at home there already and went to place the cardboard box on the coffee table. He smiled even wider when he saw two glasses of squash sat there. 

"Finally, you took your time, bloody 'ell, thought you'd been abducted!" Miles smiled up at him and Alex couldn't help a gentle giggle.

"Oh yeah?" 

Miles nodded. "Aliens," he added, dead serious, making Alex laugh some more, a smile growing on his own face at the sound. 

"Well since you took your time I made us some juice, Uhm is that alright?" A frown flashed across his face for the briefest moment until Alex smiled again, settling down beside him, probably too close but nobody was complaining. 

"Nah s'fine, what're we watching?" Alex asked, picking up some pizza and gesturing for Miles to do the same. Miles spoke as though he'd never heard of a more boring programme but Alex could sense an undertone when he muttered, "uh, Pointless." 

"Oh, me guiltiest pleasure," Alex replied, catching Miles' grin from the corner of his eye and taking a bite of pizza. 

"Guiltiest you say?" Miles lowered his voice slightly, deep specific gaze set on Alex that had him nearly choking on his pizza. 

Not long later when their food was long since devoured, the two finally settled on some horror film that happened to be on. Miles had been fairly keen for Coronation Street but Alex insisted it was shit and besides Danger Mouse was always repeating on the other channel. Finally they'd managed to agree that the film "looked shit but at least they could laugh at it." 

He couldn't deny that it was actually pretty ridiculous although Alex didn't seem to be especially interested, he'd stopped replying to everything Miles commented on with anything more than a quiet grunt that said he'd heard. Miles thought he might be bored but when he looked over was a little surprised to see him blinking hard as though struggling to keep awake. He smiled at the soft expression and how comfortable Alex seemed to be.

"As if they're all gonna go in that room... Surely not... Oh of course and the blonde one surprises us all," Alex commented softly, sarcastic and letting out a tiny chuckle. He followed up with a yawn though and Miles nodded his response with a gentle smile playing on his lips. Barely five minutes later Miles was unsurprised (and definitely not delighted of course) when he felt the tiniest weight fall onto his shoulder. 

Infact, with the horror film on in the background it had made him jump a little but he couldn't hide his smile when he realised that Alex had indeed fallen asleep, his head of course landing on Miles' shoulder but incredibly gently. As Miles twisted carefully to see properly Alex's hair tickled his chin slightly. The temptation wasn't to push Alex off or wake him up and tell him to go to bed but strangely enough to put his arm around him and pull him closer. 

Miles told himself that it was because he didn't want to wake Alex if he was tired, told himself it wasn't because he liked the warmth that Alex omitted when he was pressed this close, told himself it wasn't the way Alex's eyelashes fluttered lightly against his cheeks or the way that the steady rise and fall of his shoulders with each shallow breath made him look incredibly peaceful. 

Alex's weight steadily became heavier along with his breathing and Miles didn't want to look away, despite whatever it was that the tense music was suggesting was about to unfold in the film he'd been so interested in before. Before the new subject of interest had presented itself that was, a subject that proved to be far more interesting. Miles felt something shift at the realisation that it wasn't even that late, Alex must have been as comfortable as he had looked for him to have fallen asleep at such an early hour. Or perhaps he was simply tired but Miles certainly liked to give himself some credit, hoped he had some effect on the lad that set him at ease. 

The ringing of a house phone startled him probably too much and Miles breathed deeply to settle himself, hand on his chest and eyes widened as he forced himself to believe that it was the film that had him on edge, not the thought that he might be caught staring. 

Alex shot awake quickly too, sitting up quickly and cursing loudly, uttering a stuttered apology to Miles as he staggered to his feet and began searching for the phone, uselessly picking things up and putting them down. Miles grinned at his grogginess and let his own gaze scour the room until it settled on the source of the noise, a rectangular bit of plastic with blinking lights. He crossed the room quickly and picked it up. 

"Al?" He asked to get his attention, chucking him the phone as he smiled gratefully. 

Miles could only hear one end of the conversation obviously but from what he could gather it was Alex's mother. If the way his eyes shifted to Miles and his cheeks turned bright red while his hissed into the phone, "mum, I told you, Miles is doing a music project wi' me" at a slightly raised volume and with emphasis on the words "Miles" and "music project" was any indication, Miles could be fairly certain that she was once again teasing him about his "girlfriend". Eventually Alex hung up, muttering a "love you too" as though he hoped Miles couldn't hear. Miles just smiled inwardly, knowing he'd be no different with his own mother. 

Neither said anything now that yet another moment had been destroyed, there was little need to and Alex was clearly tired, or still groggy at least, blinking heavily. He must have been very conscious of the fact that he'd fallen asleep on Miles earlier as he'd sat down a lot further away this time. Perhaps it was still too close for most people who'd just barely known each other a week, but still. 

Miles wouldn't let himself admit that it took a lot of restraint to keep his arm by his side instead of pull the boy close, let him fall asleep against his shoulder once more, let his warmth seep into him and let his soft chocolate hair tickle his neck as it had before. Instead he focused his eyes on the tv, his mind still decidedly elsewhere.

\-------------------

Alex knew he was acting against better judgement but he was tired and Miles' shoulder really had made a great pillow earlier. Warmth was probably the most obvious thing that was appealing but then there was everything else. Miles breathed steadily and slowly and the rhythm didn't help his drowsy state. Plus Miles smelt great, indescribably really, a hint of washing powder from his shirt and something that just seemed to be a comforting byproduct of his warmth. Still, earlier Alex's mind had been clouded by fatigue and he'd been already knocked out when he finally let his head rest, landing softly against Miles. He'd purposely sat down a little further away this time, to avoid any awkwardness by hopefully avoiding the same thing happening again. A sudden scream sounded from the telly that only his eyes were watching. It shouldn't have made him jump but it did and he earned himself a soft chuckle from Miles. 

"Scared Turner?" he asked, looking rather amused as he fixed Alex with a mirthful smirk. The lad looked back at the screen as he defiantly replied "no" but it didn't stop him accidentally shuffling closer, close enough to once again feel that warmth that the lad emitted, hoping Miles wouldn't notice. He could actually feel his eyelids become heavier, making him blink hard to try to wake himself. He wasn't aware of Miles' covert studying but he stifled a yawn and tried a little harder to resist leaning on Miles and letting himself fall asleep. Maybe he could just pretend that he was already asleep, pretend to be sleeping and maybe get away with it like he had before. Although what if Miles had only let him keep his head here because he was too polite to push him off? Maybe it was extremely uncomfortable for him. Alex eventually pushed his thoughts away to "focus" on the plot, hoping it might finish soon so he'd at least be able to get to sleep.

Miles breathed deeply and evenly beside him. Steady. Calming. Alex was so sleepy. He didn't have a second thought when Miles didn't even flinch at the head falling to his shoulder. It wasn't long before Alex succumbed to the heavy feeling of sleep. 

\--------------

Miles was half sure that Alex was still awake when his head dropped down the second time. He didn't call him out though, kept still without tensing until the lad's breathing evened out feeling a swell of contentment as he let Alex fall asleep properly. He turned his head slowly to glance at the boy, fingers itching to brush aside the piece of hair that was falling across his eyes. When he was completely sure that Alex's heavy body was unconscious and only after a couple of gentle tests, he carefully moved his trapped arm, flexing his fingers slightly and then letting it drape over Alex's shoulders, ever so carefully, worried about how odd this might seem if Alex were to wake now. When Alex only really moved to get comfy, actually curling up some more and pressing himself closer to Miles, Miles smiled. With newfound confidence he squeezed the arm around Alex's shoulders gently, almost protective. His eyes were heavy and the weight against his side pinned him down in a way that felt more that lovely. In minutes he was feeling properly drowsy and without meaning to he soon fell asleep too, a smile on his lips and his head resting lightly on top of Alex's, feeling strangely comfortable in the near stranger's comforting hold.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: What? Another chapter?? So soon?? Uh here we go! I hope  
You like this! No spoilers but I certainly do! ;)

Miles woke the next morning sprawled on a sofa he just barely recognised with a cushion pressed to his cheek and a blanket draped thoughtfully across him. He realised that Alex must've been awake for a while and immediately felt sort of apprehensive about how the other lad might have felt in terms of the accidental sleeping arrangements. Rubbing his eyes to wake up a bit more he decided that it mustn't actually have been all that late like he'd first assumed, the sun was streaming in through the window but it was the weak sunlight of early morning. Miles sighed but forced himself to get up from the Turners' surprisingly comfy sofa. 

It was a barely muffled "fuck" that gave away the whereabouts of his friend; the kitchen. He smiled to himself, pushing the door open carefully and instantly spotting the apparent cause of disaster. Alex stood beside the sink with his hand under the tap, peering intently at reddened skin. 

"The fuck did you do?" Miles asked, voice coming out hoarse and tired as he rubbed his eyes, secretly amused by the fact that he'd made Alex jump rather impressively. 

"Jesus Mi, scared the shit out of me." Alex grumbled although he looked far from upset. Miles couldn't focus on that though, his sleepy thoughts tangled up around one another and stuck hopelessly on one word. 

Mi. Miles couldn't help feeling bewildered at the vague attempt at a nickname. Nobody called him "Mi", not really, not on purpose like this. Alex had definitely used it on purpose, his gaze flickered away as he said it like he was overthinking his words. Miles always supposed nobody bothered to shorted his name because there was little need to be shortening a name that was only ever 2 syllables at most. It struck him as comforting, made him grin that Alex had addressed him so casually. He felt warmed, as though their connection was deep and extremely close, like they had an immediate chemistry that was rapidly being cemented in everything either of them did. 

Alex interrupted his thoughts, continued to mutter curses and aimlessly shake his injured hand about as though it might help, but he refused to answer Miles' question. 

"Are ya ok?" He wondered aloud, frowning as he crossed the kitchen to see for himself. 

"Er I burned me 'and ... on't kettle." Miles rolled his eyes at his statement of the obvious, but, catching Alex's awkward mumble, he smiled gently. 

"Here y'are, lemme 'ave a look?" He asked, stretching a hand out. Alex hesitated for a moment meeting his gaze instead. 

"What are ya some kinda first aid expert now?" He joked, smiling. He looked tired from having just woken, moved slowly like he was still half asleep, his hair was questionable in style, he still wore his clothes from the day before and his tshirt was crinkled.

Miles chuckled, either at the view or at his joke he wasn't quite sure. "Nahhh, but, er, looks to me like yer've burned yer 'and on't kettle." He grinned cheekily as he ran a hand through his hair hoping it hadn't slipped too far out of order. Alex simply glared at his poorly imitated Sheffield accent, hitting him halfheartedly in the chest with his good hand and earning a low chuckle. 

"Alright princess keep yer fingers under the tap fer a bit, I'll make the tea." 

\------------

Princess. What a nickname to have earned himself. A lump settled in Alex's his throat at that, face burning with embarrassment and eyes widened as he bit his lip and looked down. He could physically feel his heart rate slowing down when Miles released the tender grip on his wrist. It sped up threefold, hammered away once more when the boy apparently thought better of his actions, turning the tap back on, cold as possible and then picking up Alex's barely injured hand once more, his hold soft and cautious lest he should irritate it further. Alex watched still as his forehead crease in concentration, the very same way it did when he was playing guitar. Miles ever so carefully pulled him toward the sink, sticking his hand under the flow but not letting go. Alex winced and Miles' eyes flickered up to his face.

"S'alright," he murmured and the soothing tone in his voice had Alex's stomach twisting, the tenderness bringing a blush to his cheeks. Miles looked amused for a half second before pretending to study the injury. It was barely even red anymore but Miles tutted and met his gaze again.

"Hmm... in me very own expert opinion I'd say you should be able t' keep yer arm," he muttered, a glint in his eye and smirk on his lips. Not that Alex was looking at his lips, obviously. 

"I'm sorry... I were gonna make ya breakfast, cuz I've been a shite 'ost, sorry about mekin' ya sleep on't settee, I give yer a cushion an' a blanket like but I didn't wanna wake yer-" Alex cut himself off before he mentioned that he'd spent too many seconds studying the sleeping boy. He swallowed hard and then continued, "An' m'sorry fer fallin' asleep on yer last night." Miles waved off his ramblings, firm smile seemingly permanently etched into his features. 

"Nah mate, don't worry 'bout it, you actually made an decent blanket like tha', yer like a radiator," he giggled and Alex half snorted. He'd been told as much before, he'd always ran warm, putting off heat like that. He sort of liked the idea of that though. Miles continued before he think too hard about the pleasant idea of being Miles' personal radiator.

"Plus yer sofa's dead comfy," he spoke easily, not embarrassed apparently and Alex smiled properly. Miles was just so easy to get along with, they really could've known one another for their whole lives. He let his gaze wander to Miles' cheek, where a cushion print was still indented firmly into the pink skin. He couldn't stop his free hand reaching out gently and tracing the pattern. 

Miles held his breath.

Alex quickly withdrew his hand, dragging his eyes away from Miles' and wishing the light that morning cast wasn't quite so honey soaked. It filtered in through the window and lit up strands of Miles' sleep mussed hair, turning them golden at the ends. 

They didn't mention it. Miles rubbed a self conscious hand over his cheek but Alex didn't bother validating his actions and so Miles turned quickly to making the tea, brushing off Alex's feeble protests that he was "entirely capable of making tea". A pointed smirk in the direction of his hand took care of that and Alex just mumbled a quiet "fuck off" smiling a little to himself. 

Alex took his time to enjoy watching as Miles pottered around his kitchen searching for everything needed to make tea. Surprisingly enough he was pretty accurate in his guesses when it came to the kitchen layout, locating mugs and spoons on the first try. Maybe their mothers were even more alike than he'd jokes about the day before. The lad kept up easy chit-chat the whole time, cracking jokes and teasing Alex wherever he was able. As Alex slowly woke up, the hot tea in his hand helping enormously he began to give back what he got. He caught Miles in a trance after a while, when both had drank at least half their tea and Miles was tapping long fingers against the side of his mug, staring into the contents like he was solving an equation. Alex let him be, too nervous to disturb him and besides that happy to watch him like he had the day they'd first met only closer this time. He noticed the way Miles' eyes turned down at the edges, his long dark eyelashes and the smooth pale of his cheeks by contrast. He took another sip of tea. Miles broke himself from his trance, yawning widely and then smiling at Alex dopily as he mumbled some new train of thought for them to pick up conversation on.

Miles didn't stay too long, to both boys' secret regret. He had to get home though, having moved to the city so recently him and his mum were still finding their feet and Miles was needing to get home to help her out as much as possible. 

Alex instantly felt bored when Miles left, unsure what to do with himself and ultimately resorting to reading as was almost always the case. He couldn't keep the other lad off his mind though and, not that he wanted to admit it, he actually quite liked it. He wondered, somewhat self indulgently, whether Miles too was having the same issue. 

Of course Miles wasn't going to be having the same issue. 

Alex sighed, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus long enough on the blinking red numbers of his alarm clock to read the time. It vaguely crossed his mind that his parents were due back in the not too distant future and there was still mess in the living room and kitchen that needed clearing, dishes and such. Miles had kindly offered to help before he left, but Alex had insisted, despite almost agreeing just so he might stay that bit longer, that he get home. He yawned slightly, thinking about his poor night's sleep, well the latter half anyway, he'd been pretty comfortable where he was until he forced himself to move at some ungodly hour to the other sofa, not before setting up his guest with the nice blanket and least threadbare cushion. Obviously the bit of hair that fell across Miles sleeping features couldn't stay there, he'd reasoned, brushing it aside so carefully, holding his breath the whole time. Was that creepy as fuck? It suddenly hit Alex, looking back that it might well be. Good job Miles had been soundly asleep. 

Alex figured that Miles had probably just been much too polite to wake him up, tell him to fuck off. With that in mind he'd slumped to the other sofa and curled up, not half as comfortable as earlier mind, with the least cozy blanket and the armrest as a cushion, much too lazy to find his way upstairs figuring that comfort wouldn't ever reach the heights of a few minutes previous anyway. 

Eventually Alex managed to drag his eyes away from the book he had been half reading and his thoughts away from the boy he had been pretending not to think about. He decided that clearing up might actually take his mind out of it's incessant swirling. It had worked well enough on Friday evening. Sort of. 

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Miles' shoes scuffed the pavement but he barely noticed, lost as he was in his own little daydream. He forgot just how close he lived to Alex, directly above the little butchers shop a few streets away. The shop was barely up and running but his mother was working hard to get things sorted. His guitar on his back and a smile on his face he greeted his mother. She looked startled by his cheery greeting and then the surprise gave way to amusement. Miles was taller than her by a good few inches now and pulled her into a hug, resting his chin on her head. 

"Someone's cheery," she noted, faux suspicion creeping into her tone, but a smile on her kind face, a glint in her eye that her son had inherited entirely from her. Miles grinned back.

"Yeah mum, s'not 'alf bad 'ere actually," he smirked, swiping a piece of pork pie from the counter. She scolded him half heartedly until he asked if she needed a hand. It made her smile, how thoughtful her son had grown up to be, he was a kindhearted lad.

He smiled as she told him to bugger off, shooing him up the stairs and complaining about the mess he'd made with the pastry crumbs. She was joking of course, smiling fondly at his soft laughter as he climbed the stairs to their still new home. Miles had never once complained about moving, never once shown his upset about the split and was always keeping up that smile of his. Still it really did warm her to see a genuine, full smile back now. Of course a 17 year old lad was going to miss his friends from childhood. She couldn't pretend it was easy for him to just move with her but she appreciated it, of course she did and seeing how hard he had tried make the move go smoothly, how he offered to help in the shop or just made little jokes all day, it made things better.

Miles felt his mind taunting him, flickering back to Alex all day. It didn't help that all the notes for their music project had been stuffed into his guitar bag, most of them decorated in Alex's blue biro scrawl. Miles read through every single page despite the fact they'd only written them the day before. Alex's words were precise and careful. It was a craft with Alex, everything was. 

Miles couldn't help but think about how much he had enjoyed feeling necessary the night before, how much he loved being needed. Even if it was just as a pillow. He liked the feel of the other boy curled into his side, liked the sound of his gentle breaths setting a rhythm that made him drowsy. Miles knew it then, if he had questioned the feeling the night before and brushed it off simply because Alex looked beautiful in barely functioning lamplight, then it was impossible to question it now, not when Alex was three streets away and the sun was still hanging high, unable to cast those certain shadows synonymous with desire. When all of that was stripped away, but every word that rolled off Alex's tongue still tumbled around in his mind. Then Miles knew it. 

He was falling for Alex. He was falling hard.


	9. Chapter 8

A/N: This took so much longer than expected or indeed necessary. I hope you can forgive me! Also it's actually a bit short but hey... Drama! Fair warning: contains gratuitous description of Miles' hands because yikes they are beautiful. Anyway... Enjoy?

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Come Monday morning Alex half dragged himself to school, thoroughly wishing it was still the weekend. 

His parents had arrived home from their teachers union convention at some stupid hour the night before and had insisted that they talk to their son since they'd not seen him all weekend. One thing his mother certainly always stuck to was a belief that family time was particularly important. Alex didn't actually mind of course, his parents weren't that bad, they weren't too strict on most things and they'd always been supportive of his various ventures. His mother absolutely adored his friends too, forever wondering why she hadn't seen Jamie for so long or how's our Matthew these days? Alex had to smile as he came downstairs to be greeted with the kerfuffle of coats and bags being set down in the hallway by his father and the subtle noise of the kettle being flicked on in the kitchen by his mother. He greeted his father just he insisted, "I definitely saw 14!" 

Alex had no idea what he'd seen fourteen of but his mum helpfully filled him in on that one. "Really David!" She called from the kitchen, "two of them were postal vans! The game was quite specifically 'how many red cars can you spot' and I saw 13 so I won." She spoke with finality and Alex smirked as his father mumbled something about women being dirty cheats, a fond smile on his face. 

As he finally mooched through to the kitchen and greeted his mother. His mother was fussing over his hair again. "You need a haircut Al," she sighed and Alex rolled his eyes, could picture his father smirking at him from in the hallway if he could hear. "Mum it's fine!" He groaned and she hugged him tightly in greeting, kissing his cheek as she spoke. 

"Alright love, did you see my note?" She asked, still pulling his hair about a bit. Alex swatted her away and offered his customary mock scowl.

"Yeah, we ordered pizza, Miles stayed the night." Her eyes were suddenly sparkling with amusement at this. She turned away slightly, averted her gaze in an overwhelmingly glaring attempt as seeming casual. 

"Miles hmm? So... not your girlfriend then?" She asked, a knowing smile present, shifting immediately into the tiniest frown when Alex hurriedly cast his gaze down, mumbling at her, looking awkward. He wasn't about to admit it of course but for the entirety of the afternoon thoughts had been filling his head of just how similarly the two had acted to a couple. He couldn't ignore how he'd fallen asleep, curling into Miles' arms as if it were the most natural thing on earth. Penny still watched, eyed him for a moment. 

"Boyfriend?" She questioned, only half teasing. This finally sparked a vocal reaction from Alex as the lad looked up, cornered and flustering far too much for the question to have meant nothing. His eyes were wide and cheeks a little pink. "God! Mum no! Not my boyfriend! Fucks sake."

He'd mumbled the last bit quietly, missing her amusement grow. She did catch his words, however, fixing him with a stare. 

"Language Alexander!" She said sternly. Alex felt ill at ease suddenly, like he was on the edge of catching a wisp of thought that remained elusive. Maybe his mother had caught on to just how strange, jumpy really he was acting because she said no more. He could sense her watching him though as he sipped his tea carefully and half gave up on working through that mental maze.

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Her son was distracted certainly, but then Alex was often distracted by that creative mind of his, lost in careful thoughts, melodic phrases and unwritten verse and prose; his own little art. She was undeniably proud of her only son, his increasingly astonishing achievements and his football practice and schoolwork, not to mention the group of friends who were all so determined to set their band going. They were good too, the band. Penny liked to sneak in during rehearsals, pretending that she was collecting something or putting something away. After she'd agreed to let them play in the Turner's garage she had deemed it a perfect opportunity for covert concert watching. She knew they would never play for her if they knew she was there, especially Alex, not when he could be so very shy at times. She really did wonder why he was the singer. 

Even questioning him now she knew something was up. Alex wasn't like this around her usually. At least he was certainly never this awkward. She watched him as he kept stirring his tea with his gaze, watching the bubbles spin. There was something different about Miles, she was sure, well maybe it wasn't miles but her suspicious were pretty high based on the way Alex reacted every time she said his name. Something she'd not seen before showed in her son, a certain and obvious something, only she wasn't as yet quite sure what. All she knew was that she wanted a chance to meet this new friend of his. The new, somewhat different friend who he spoke so little about but whose very mention had Alex's guards up and whose presence that weekend had apparently merited a tidying of Alex's bedroom.

Her husband's reappearance brought her back to reality. He must have sensed the tension in the room as he stopped humming the moment he walked in. 

"What've I missed?" He asked, picking up his own mug of steaming tea and glancing from his Penny to their son and back. She smiled. "Oh nothing, just telling Alex about how you cheated at our stupid car game." He rolled his eyes at Alex, earning a grin. 

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Now here he was, stumbling tiredly along another corridor, his hair apparently too long and his uniform messy at best, thinking far too much about everything. Already, before the first lesson on a Monday he was exhausted. He couldn't help thinking about Miles yet again. Cliché to say the very thought of the boy had his heart beating twice as fast.

In a locker lined corridor with barely 3 minutes before registration Alex was still entirely lost in his own head. He was dawdling, fully aware that he had a free period first and so wasn't in any particular hurry. Looking up and shutting off his Walkman Alsx took in the scene. 

An almost entirely empty corridor save for three people apparently also in little rush. Aside from himself, one Miles Kane stood there, at a locker not so far from his own, wrestling hopelessly with the blue metal of the door. The lad was looking entirely less rumpled and sleepy than Alex, complete with slim fit black trousers and tight jumper that showed off his tall, slight frame - not that Alex was looking. The sole other in the hallway was a girl likely in their year of perhaps the year below. As Alex pulled his gaze from Miles he just about caught her stalking off a little further up, letting her hips sway as she walked. He couldn't have told you who she was, all those girls looked so similar anyway, with straightened hair down to her waist and a skirt rolled up almost as high. Alex had long since stopped trying to noticed them or have them notice him the way some of the lad's did. It didn't matter anyway, Alex only had eyes for Miles, breaking into a smile as the boy turned to face him.

Miles lit up as he saw him, uttering a gentle cheery greeting before contradicting his own mood as he began fiddling with the locker handle once more, grumbling frustratedly. Alex just chuckled.

"Need a hand?" Alex stepped forward and, with a knack for pushing and twisting the little handle that could only have been gained trough practice, pulled the metal door open smoothly. Miles' grin was electric, something that felt so out of place in the eeriness of an empty corridor.

"Ta, been 'ere forever." His accent came through and his smile coaxed a soft reciprocation from Alex, that smile that had been dancing around his mind since the day before. 

Alex's pulse was racing. He could feel it in his fingertips as he watched the lad's every movement, admired really might've been a better word for Alex was struck by minute details. Miles was graceful, even with his brow furrowing as he fished around for a moment and cursed lightly. Eventually his expression cleared and he took something out of the blue locker, a single thin book. Alex didn't know why he'd bothered really, he was still the new kid, wasn't like he'd be getting in trouble if he was missing a notebook. Besides that, all their teachers seemed to have been taken in by Miles' charm, his charismatic ways. He was quiet but overwhelmingly cheery, he liked a joke and teachers always had time for students like that. Alex had no problem realising why people liked him so much. Alex liked him. Alex liked him a lot. 

Miles closed the locker with a slight slam that made Alex jump, burst his bubble. He reached out to twist the handle and close the door, fingers closing around it. Behind him Miles was stood probably too close. He was pressing up to him, only slightly, but Alex could smell that washing powder smell of freshly washed school uniform. It smelt like his actually, the same washing powder only Miles' was coupled with whatever spicy aftershave he wore. Miles' scent could only be described as distracting. 

If Alex wasn't already forcefully holding his breath and willing his heart rate to slow the fuck down, then the arrival of a warm -sculpted - hand on top of his own was certainly too much. Miles' eyes were trained on the side of his face, he could feel the gaze burning. His own still firmly fixed on Miles' hand. When Miles spoke he could feel warm breath against his cheek, little more than a whisper but solid enough to strangle him completely. 

"Nah let me, I've gotta learn, can't rely on a handsome stranger me whole life can I?" he uttered cheekily, apparently unaware of the effect his words had. 

His own fingers shifted on top of Alex's, steady and yet gentle, ghostlike as he followed Alex's lead. The older lad found his eyes was drawn to the back of Miles' hand. The smooth pale skin close to his thumb marred by black biro. Four numbers. Alex smiled, fully aware that it was the door code for all the doors in school, the one Miles had insisted he'd never remember and had had to continually trace over on his hand so it didn't wear off. It was begining to fade now though. 

As the door clicked Miles looked back at him, grinning proudly, smugly. Alex kept his eyes where they were, focused on the delicacy of Miles' fingers, bony knuckles and smooth, so smooth where they still hadn't moved from on top of his own. 

Alex caught a glimpse of something else though, scribbled across the back of his hand, just about visible. He followed the string of numbers with his eyes. They weren't written in Miles' slanted slightly messy print, no, there was a curve to the numbers and the pen was purple. What caught Alex's attention was the tiny little "x" at the end. Delicate. Girly. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to work that out. Alex thought that girl earlier had been walking away too smugly. Ok that wasn't entirely true, maybe he was just being bitter in thinking it was possible to walk smugly but she was certainly swaying her hips confidently as she walked off in her non regulation uniform. 

Alex was a fucking idiot. 

"I'm late." He choked on his lie, brushing Miles off and stalking off down the hallway, juggling books and feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment as he hurried off in the very same direction as the girl. The girl who'd left her number on Miles' perfect hand. Fuck. He sighed, ignoring the confused call of his name from behind him. He was overreacting maybe it wasn't even Miles' fault but it was difficult not to feel as though he'd been shattered somehow.


	10. Chapter 9

A/N: Not that a life story is at all what anyone wants to see here but I feel I ought to explain this horrendously prolonged absence! I've just moved into a new flat, we didn't actually have wifi until this week and even if we had I'm afraid I'd have struggled to find time for writing anyway! Well, I hope you can all forgive me... Also I start uni tomorrow which will bring with it even less free time but will also bring more structure to my days so I'd say I'll be able to update often once more! Thanks for your patience and if you're still reading then thanks, please enjoy and please comment because I can't motivate myself in the slightest lol! hope you all are well! ❤️

Onwards to a Miles centric chapter!

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It couldn't have been more obvious to Miles that something was wrong. 

How could Alex have spent almost every minute of the last week by his side and then suddenly, as if a switch was flicked somewhere, nothing. He was becoming scarily used to it all, it had only been days and yet here he was, falling quickly into patterns, growing accustomed to the idea of something that was apparently going to be a deep friendship. Of course they'd known one another barely a week and fuck knows Alex had been awkward enough to start with but they'd got on so well, he thought they had anyway. 

Uselessly his mind turned to pinpointing unnecessarily. That very first music lesson on his very first day, he settled for, that was when he'd initially got that feeling that Alex was someone he was supposed to know, that was when they'd clicked. But then it was at the weekend, Saturday night, Sunday morning, when he realised he was in deep. He really could quite happily have stayed in Alex's company for weeks and weeks on end. He'd even looked forward to this morning when he'd see him again, get another chance to let his attention wander tirelessly towards a boy whose presence felt like something he'd missed before he'd ever had it. Something you don't realise you have till it's gone, but Miles had never known what he'd missed till it was there, right in front of him. 

He tried to pinpoint more clearly, struggling over details of the morning while he tried harder to determine where it had fallen in. What had he done to upset Alex? Was he really just in a rush as he'd said? Miles really had to kick himself at this point. He didn't know Alex. Didn't know him as well as he'd tried to reason. How could he possibly begin to label Alex feelings, decipher his decisions when he hardly knew the boy?

It was funny, he supposed, that five or so days in Alex's company had made him forget all his worries about being the loner at his new school. As if the companionship of just one would suffice entirely. He'd always been popular at school, he had friends - lots of friends - but he began to realise of late that actually none of them he was particularly close to. Even the band had been falling through before it had a chance to kick off. He still talked to them all but he did wonder how long it would last. He missed them all obviously but he knew really that they weren't lifelong friends. He knew that as soon as he'd met Matt the week before. Matt spoke to him kindly mostly because he was new but he also nodded greetings to most of the people in their year. However, within five minutes Miles knew that the boys he spoke of, the rest of the band were true friends, a little group of them that Miles could imagine would all for example attend one another's weddings no matter how far in the distant future that might be.

Then there was Alex in particular. According a to Matt their mothers had known one another since forever and the two lads had known each other practically since the womb. In all honesty he'd envied them both just then. Now thoughhe seemed more to envy Matt. The position of Alex's close childhood friend was filled and of course he knew that this wasn't going to change. But the last week had filled him with hope, hope of something strong like the other two had, a different dynamic perhaps but he couldn't help how he felt, like Alex was - cliche though it sounded - someone who really got him. 

Miles stopped his stare over at the other end of the hallway, pulled his eyes back to the book in his hand and stuffed it carelessly into his bag, earlier mood ruined for just as long as it took for him to remember that he'd see Alex next anyway, they had their study period together. Miles let himself smile as he remembered the first time he'd met Alex and had noticed the lad staring at him that first study period on his first day. With a less heavy heart but a still struggling conscience Miles pulled himself together and hurried off down the corridor.

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Walking away from his locker once again - this time at break - Miles sighed his frustration and slammed the door shut with only marginally less issue than earlier that morning. He'd been a little too distracted by the teacher to focus entirely on the lesson, still struggling with the clasp on those doors. He walked away, hoping not to be late to his first real lesson of the day and feeling something like nerves flutter away in the pit of his stomach. 

All he'd had first thing was a study period and of course he wasn't complaining about that, it was actually rather nice to start the week without the pressure and bore of an actual lesson. What did bother him slightly was the fact that Alex wasn't there. He'd decided he might become rather accustomed to the idea of spending his Monday morning free period writing and watching as his muse pretended to work across the room. Okay so that had only happened once last week but already he found Alex's absence disappointing. It really wasn't the same this time, scribbling away in his spot by the window, no work to do due to the fact that it had just been the weekend. He doubted he could've done any work anyway, he was distracted of course, thinking of Alex obviously. 

As he'd sat there, writing over the same word over and over with little thought he came to the conclusion that he was probably worried. Simply fearful and concerned that the morning's incident had been too much, that he'd scared Alex away. Maybe the poor lad would never talk to him again. Perhaps he had ruined this friendship before it even started. 

He traced a line yet again on the piece of paper infront of him, this time a little too hard and the pencil nib ripped straight through, marking the next piece. Miles sighed heavily then, dropping his pencil and running his hand through his hair before immediately patting it back into an acceptable style. Maybe his thought were going a bit askew. Something still niggled at the back of his mind, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that Alex was most likely just busy this morning, studying or something. It wasn't a far shout really, Alex was certainly the most likely of the two to be doing his homework. Or perhaps he needed to be alone? Miles himself would be lying if he'd tried to claim he'd never felt antisocial at 9am on a Monday morning. Miles tried to convince himself some more that Alex was just elsewhere in the hopes of finding peace and quiet. You could hear a pin drop in the common room. He was over thinking it surely? Although there was something about the way Alex had acted that morning that made Miles unsure. His mood change had been so sudden. One minute Alex was stood closer than necessary and talking in low volume and thick accent as though he might never stop; the next he was babbling awkwardly about being late, not meeting his eye and walking away quickly without responding to Miles' call. 

They had been stood very close. Miles had always come across as a flirt. Perhaps he really had been coming on a bit too strong. No, fuck it he definitely had. Alex's strange magnetism aside Miles was most certainly not looking for a boyfriend before he even had any friends, natural flirtatious manner be damned he was going to have to try harder to repress attraction until he at least knew the lad a bit better. However... If Alex was going to come onto him... Well, who knew what would happen?

Miles slammed his locker closed decisively, trying desperately to imitate the skills that Alex had demonstrated that morning and failing miserably. He resorted to force in the end and was just about to walk away moodily when he spotted Matt and Jamie across the corridor. He headed over, greeting them just as Jamie groaned something about double maths with a heavy sigh. The boy grumbled a goodby, smiling at Miles quickly and then walking off with a slump in his shoulders. When they were alone Matt looked decidedly shifty. 

"Oh, uh hey Miles," he offered, eyes pointing elsewhere deliberately.

"Uhm," Miles began, slightly unsure but desperate to simply bite the bullet and ask. "Uhm, alright Matt? Uh 'ave yer seen Al at all? Just... It's just that, we were gettin on so well... But he, uhm, he headed off pretty quickly an' er... Just... Is 'e pissed... Like at me? 'Ave I done summat wrong?" 

\----------

Matt listened to Miles stumble through his words and then broke very suddenly into a wide grin, finally fixing his gaze solidly on Miles for a moment. He smirked. It was so clear to him what was going on. He'd spent the last hour with Alex who mostly stayed morose and uttered the odd reply to Matt's constant questioning. Of course he knew exactly when something was up with the quiet boy and it didn't take long for him to squeeze the truth out, find out what was bothering him - or rather -who - was bothering him. Somehow he suspected he wasn't getting the full story but he could work out enough if it based on the conversation they'd had days earlier when Alex's blush was enough of an answer when talk of a certain scouser was involved. Now it was exceedingly blindingly obvious to Matt what the issue was. Talking to Miles, watching him struggle, listening to his insecurity prevail only drove that into greater clarity. See for Matt the pair of them were transparent; Alex floundered at the very thought of Miles... Meanwhile Miles was busily fretting over whether or not he'd pissed him off, stuttering haplessly, a hopeful glint in his eye that gave him away. 

"Miles, no offence mate but yer thick as shit and you need to stop being daft, you both do!" He uttered but the shrill bell sounding was enough to shatter the moment and Matt sighed. "Look, I'm not explaining it to you, you've gotta work this out yerself but... Please be careful with Al, okay?" He offered and he almost felt bad about leaving, what with Miles looking about as confused as could be.

Miles sighed, watching Matt leave with a heavy heart, his questions unanswered and new ones suddenly more pressing. He forced himself into action as he realised the hallway had gotten quiet again, he'd be late for class. The lad bit his lip, suddenly incredibly apprehensive about the fact that he had English next. English, with none other than the enigma himself, Alex.

He sauntered in, late of course and earning himself a glare from their teacher, she told him to find his seat quickly before she found one for him in the headmaster's office. Miles had never particularly been one for breaking the rules, plus he was still new, hardly eager to be causing trouble for himself and so his eyes widened at the threat, he began gabbling apologies as he sat down hastily in the same place he usually did, except this time the seat beside him was free. 

Miles frowned once their teacher's eyes were no longer staring him down. He got to wondering some more about what Matt had said to him and was left decidedly confused and most definitely distracted. He only got through about half the lesson in this state before a sharp voice triggered his senses once more. 

"Miles! You were already late to my class and now you're daydreaming too? Since you're clearly so eager for a detention then perhaps you'll be pleased that your lunchtime is no longer free! I'll see you after class." 

Miles felt his ears go red and his cheeks heat, furiously scribbling some notes while all he heard was scattered laughter and the irritated tutting of his teacher. When he eventually deemed it safe to look up he immediately regretted his decision. Miles was faced with a familiar frame and the back of a head with dark hair, slightly curling at the ends. Hair that he distinctly remembered tickling his neck not too long before whilst he'd found himself cuddling on Alex's sofa. 

So Alex had sat infront purposely, he actually was pissed off with him then. He would have definitely sat in his normal place otherwise, surely? Was he deliberately avoiding him? Miles could feel a weight on his shoulders as though he were Atlas, holding up the earth. What the fuck had he even done? Desperation clawed at his mind and his teeth dug into his lip once more as he ignored the lesson yet again. 

Next thing he noticed was the girl beside Alex, leaning over possibly a little to far in order to copy his notes. Alex put up no fight. She pointed at something he'd written, "what's 'at say, Al" she said in the loudest whisper ever. Al. Miles winced, Alex was only ever called "Al" by his friends, close friends that is, and his family, he'd said so himself when it slipped from Miles' mouth one time. Something spiked in him, struck a nerve when Alex quickly explained his writing. Miles refused to believe it was jealousy. In fact he flat out decided that as Alex's friend, all he was feeling was second-hand irritation at the presumptuous use of the nickname.

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If Miles had had clear view of the lads face he would've realised that Alex had no interest whatsoever in Louisa. His body language, barely noticeable from behind, save from his rigid shoulders angled slightly away stated that he was uncomfortable with the attention she dealt him. His shifting eyes and refusal to meet her long-lashed gaze was proof enough that she was actually slightly grating. Truthfully, Alex was regretting his choice to avoid Miles, sitting a row in front like some petty child. The same petty child was secretly thrilled in a "serves you right" kind of manner when their teacher gave him detention but it was quickly quashed by the all too obvious fact that what he was feeling wasn't Miles' fault. Well, aside from the fact that the very thought of the other lad had Alex reeling. Miles was gorgeous for starters, not to mention intelligent, extremely amusing and endlessly good company. Alex glanced at Louisa sat beside him daintily copying his notes in her print writing. None of those words came from her own head, she didn't have that continuous wheel of entwined thought that Miles did, where he occasionally spouted something profound and deeply interesting, something that forced Alex to think of him in awe. It wasn't fair on Louisa for him to be comparing. His thoughts left him hollow, a replay of the morning laying out the flaws in his one sided and unspoken feelings. He sighed and rolled his eyes as Louisa wondered aloud how to spell "mellifluous" and exactly what did that mean. Alex restrained himself, refrained from stating that it was Miles' accent, his words, his voice when he sang, the way he played guitar. He settled on, "summat that sounds... nice" cringing as his definition fell so far short. He was going to be avoiding Miles for some time if this intrusive thought process was going to keep up. The problem wasn't simple, he reasoned. Being attracted to the new kid was one thing, Matt had simply nodded like he knew what was up, it was the fact that he'd read it all so wrong, the fact that Miles clearly had no interest, the fact that he'd got thoughts into his head that didn't belong there, thoughts that had him eager for more and thoughts that blocked common rationale, rationale that said "get to know the boy before you develop some schoolgirl crush". Alex watched Louisa twirl her hair some more as he offered a tight smile and let her rest her hand on his forearm, childishly hoping that Miles, sat behind them, was watching.

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When eventually Miles was freed from detention with a simple "don't let it happen again, you're far better than that," from his English teacher, he made his way to the lunch room. He was of course much too late for any of the good food and he'd missed Alex and his friends by a long way. He sighed, sitting down in a corner somewhere to stare solemnly at his barely warm pasta. He hadn't had a chance to speak to Alex alone all morning and now he'd missed him at lunch too, there was barely five minutes left now anyway. The afternoon couldn't get much worse, he reasoned as he picked up his fork and began to eat.

"There you are!" His thoughts were interrupted by a cheerful bubbly voice. He groaned softly before looking up with a pasted on smile.

"Ohhh, er hi, y'alright?" He greeted, avoiding a name simply because he couldn't remember exactly and didn't want to come across like a twat, was it Sophia maybe? Anyway she sat far too close to him an picked up his hand making him roll his eyes at how hard she was trying. She traced her own writing over his hand with a gentle finger and she giggled lightly. Miles forced his thoughts to fuck off because he was doing it again, comparing girls to Alex. Alex would've never been so forward, would've traced the digits with His intelligent gaze, deep brown eyes full of telling thought and lit up by a smile that would ultimately appear on his lips too. Alex would've breathed a laugh that coaxed one from Miles too, he'd have said nothing and still managed to command more of Miles' attention than this girl could've ever hoped to. It was ridiculous really because nobody could compare but if Alex were here right now he wouldn't be half as bored out of his mind. She twirled some of her long blond hair in her finger and Miles caught himself picturing Alex's hair long, shoulder length maybe and curly, definitely curly, not too curly though, just soft, delicate little waves. He chuckled when he thought of the boy having to push it back with a hair band or something, tucking it behind his ears or simply letting it hang low across his face, smiling coyly from beneath long waves. 

Unfortunately he seemed to have given this girl the wrong impression as she beamed at him, obviously noticing his smile no matter how unrelated. She really was very pretty, but Miles felt bad for leading her on. 

"Soooo are yer gon' call me?" She mumbled, lowering her voice just a little. Miles smiled. Forced. She was practically sat on him. 

"We'll I 'ave yer number don' I?" He replied, lifting his tattooed hand and earning yet another unwanted giggle that only grated on his senses, so unlike the deep chuckle that Alex would let out when he was being funny. 

"Maria!" Someone called and she whipped her head round. Maria. Maria... Sophia... Close enough. She sighed and got up to leave, offering Miles a cheeky wink and a rather unsubtle "call me!" As she left, swaying her slim hips as she stalked off. 

Miles let out all his breath at once, shoulders slumping too once more. He was not going to call this girl, Maria. He had no lessons with her and had never even seen her before that morning? As far as he was concerned their commonalities consisted of nothing. Besides, as he'd convinced himself earlier that morning, admittedly with Alex is mind, he wasn't even looking for a relationship and certainly not a girlfriend. Unfortunately, he couldn't exactly say that to her, the very last thing he needed was to out himself within a week of starting his new school. He'd let that arise when the time seemed right, now certainly wasn't it. Miles left the lunch room with a racing mind, willing himself once more to focus on friendships before he got tied down on other things.


	11. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi!! I am so so sorry that this took so long! It required a LOT more editing than previous chapters and still I'm not happy but here we are :/ I hope you enjoy? Please comment etc, it really does help!

Chapter 10 (high school)

"Alex!" 

He turned before he could question it, perhaps even against his will, breaking eye contact with the floor for the first time in a good few minutes since he left the canteen. All he'd wanted was to push a certain someone well and truly out of his mind. Unfortunately it seemed that said someone was everywhere he went like when you first hear a new word and then suddenly it's in every book, story, magazine you read and in every conversation you have too. Miles' presence there was worsened still by the blatant truth that he had been bent on avoiding him. 

Anyway, it didn't do him much good after all for there was Miles, making some obviously flirty girl in the canteen giggle like - well, a schoolgirl. Alex turned on his heel but stopped just outside the room, leaning heavily against a wall in the empty corridor to try to slow the reckless hammering of his heart at just the sight of this boy and to quell the rising jealousy that throbbed at the tips of his fingers as he clenched his fists.

Jealousy, of course. There was no denying it by now, not since he'd spoken to Matt that morning and had his own mind mapped out for him, signposted and colour coded with contour lines and a coherent scale and god knows what else. Matt had a remarkable way of sitting him down and helping him come to his own conclusions without saying a thing. They could be there for hours, and with not a single word Matt would somehow be able to provoke knowledge of every conclusion from Alex that he couldn't manage to reach himself. 

That morning he'd allowed Alex to talk irritatedly for a full forty minutes, sporadically of course with intermittent moments of total silence. During that time he said next to nothing, just listened, occasionally raised an eyebrow or shot him a pointed glance, offered a sigh or two. Eventually he allowed Alex to just sit quietly, slumped atop a table with legs dangling and head fallen to his hands as he fitted jagged edges together and slowly, cautiously began to work out what he was thinking for himself. Alex had spent a little while letting out occasional soft mumbles until suddenly he groaned loudly. 

"Fuuuuck," was all he'd offered, voice low and desperate almost like he didn't want to believe himself. Matt was grinning at him because apparently he delighted in Alex's suffering. 

"Took you long enough!" He cheered but Alex just scowled. 

"Noooo, no this isn't good! What the fuck am I s'posed to do Matt?" He murmured and the tone of his voice immediately wiped the smile off Matt's face, replaced it with a soft little frown, the kind he saved for when he was intentionally soothing or trying to help in some way, Alex didn't know it but it was the same frown he used when Alex texted him in the early hours and he'd not see it until the morning after. 

"Alright, ok, think about it logically Al." He's murmured, probably just trying to placate Alex because when a few more minutes had passed he sighed again. "Fuck all I can do is there? S'probably fuckin some bird already." Matt hadn't called him out. He hadn't mentioned any of the looks that passed between the two, eye contact that could have started fires and seemed to spark electricity, he hadn't mentioned every word that Alex had ever spoken to him about Miles, nor anything word Miles might've spoken about him. Alex talked about Miles as though he were a particularly favoured character from a particularly favoured book. Miles' own words, although Alex didn't know it, were filled with honey soaked warmth and chattering joy. Matt of course knew they had to figure it out for themselves and so instead of telling Alex of all his observations he'd simply settled on:

"Don' let anything paint itself black and white." 

Alex had stared at him then, his childhood friend saying something so profound and careful. Matt was always surprising him, playing a role of cheeky teenager who grinned at his mother charmingly and backchatted his teachers whenever he could but was known to knock something out every so often, something like that that made everyone stop for a second and think. Of course Matt immediately shattered his moment of Confucius-like philosophy by tacking on, "read summat like that in a fortune cookie, but it seemed like it fit." 

When Alex refused to reply he spoke again, "either way, Miles is a pretty cool lad and he's a mad guitarist apparently, I mean, 'e won't show us or owt but from what yer've told us, reckon it's not worth losin' 'im as a friend jus' yet... over summat so trivial." 

As Alex leant against the wall he allowed Matt's words to percolate his thoughts once more, the latter four words especially. This matter was something Matt seemed "trivial". Was it? There were connotations to everything, his head whirled with the ideas of murmuring confusion. His mum had hinted at it, ideas of him having a boyfriend. She's been perfectly ok with it, and here was Matt practically rubber-stamping the idea. But there were problems, implications and drawbacks. First of all Miles clearly wasn't interested, maybe for half a moment, before he'd realised he was doing so, Alex had entertained the thought that he might be, but everything was disproved because of that morning. 

But of course Matt was right, every second's worth of feeling that he'd had toward Miles rooted itself in a friendship that was practically begging to be encouraged. Matt always was right, but Alex needed time, he needed to sort his thoughts out so that he didn't feel this strangely intense stab every time he saw Miles with a girl. He'd had every intention of going to speak to the boy, to apologise maybe although apologies seemed more like an excuse to start a conversation, plus apologies would require explanations and he was sure he didn't feel quite ready to lay his heart upon his sleeve, he'd always been so easily wounded.

Lunchtime would be over in hardly any time at all though and so he had to make some sort of decision more quickly than he'd like. Perhaps he could let Miles catch him up and simply pretend he'd not been avoiding him? No no that would never work... he puzzled through for a moment, rapidly creating and then discarding plan after plan, alone in the corridor until someone's clacking footsteps meant the repeat of a scene. The girl he'd just seen with Miles, now chatting animatedly to her friend while they stalked smugly to their lessons. He didn't have the heart to listen in on their not so hushed conversation but he certainly caught the words "fit" and "Mike isn't it?" Flying between the two amidst their giggles. No sooner had they rounded a corner than he was away too, chickening out of talking to Miles at least until double music that afternoon, whirring mind easily switching to come up with a plan of renewed avoidance at least until he could speak with Matt again. 

Although apparently he wasn't going to be allowed an escape that painlessly and seconds later he heard the lad himself calling his name from behind, hasty footsteps trying to catch him up and before he knew it he'd turned around, succumbed unwaveringly to his stunningly addictive new friend. 

Miles' smile was probably worth it all until he heard the words "thought you were avoidin' me!" Uttered between heavy breaths that gave away his earlier haste. Alex felt his cheeks redden, Miles' thoughts were of course entirely true and he felt cowardly. He didn't bother sputtering any of the awkward half lies he'd been trying to conjure and instead muttered an awkward sentence about how they ought to be getting to class, turning on his heel to head in the proper direction. 

Miles was quick in grabbing his elbow and he forced himself not to flinch. 

"Alex... Al? Uh... Alex... eh you ok?" Alex let out a breath, forced himself to look into those brown eyes without seeing their beauty and was faced with concern flickering amongst the glittering flecks. It only made him struggle more. He allowed the most natural smile he could to grace his lips and nodded gently.

"Mmmh yeah, sorry bout earlier, but uh, we really are gonna be late." Miles returned his smile, soft and lacking something that Alex had seen in previous days. Alex assumed it was his own mind leading him to believe that Miles' gaze focused for just a second on his lips before its steady attempt to read something deep in his mind. He consigned himself to a two hour inner battle, the first of many where he would try to accept these feelings that had so quickly developed for the tall, handsome new boy who oozed sex appeal and confidence, whose character had him drawn in immediately. Accept the feelings, quash them and try to prevent any more such appearing.

He didn't know what Matt had meant exactly but as far as he was aware, the only way to deal with something like this, something altogether alien and terrifying was to push it away and teach himself to ignore it. He wanted friendship, fuck he wanted more than that if the way his heart pounded whenever he so much as thought about Miles was any indicator. In fact, he found his thoughts flitting briefly once more to how content he had felt in Miles' arms, dozing on the sofa, eyes and mind tired but every inch of his skin alight, burning where it touch Miles' body. 

That was probably the turning point then. He'd never felt like that with any other boy - fuck knows he and Matt had fallen asleep on top of each other too many times, Jamie and Nick too. He and Joanna had once "cuddled" on the sofa but he'd been far too alert to be comfortable, body rigid, holding his breath lest he should displace any of the golden hair on her head, dead arm beneath the weight of her slight body but too afraid to move. Fuck. Well this was going to be difficult he mused, quietly comforted by Miles' steady monologue about his earlier detention. He zoned in with a snap at his next words.

"Some bloody bird apparently dun't get that I'm not interested too, I mean how fuckin' obvious do I 'ave to be? Barely even spoke to 'er and she give me 'er number like it were some kinda medal!" 

Alex tried not to let his giddy thoughts force their own shape made of ill fitting puzzle pieces. "All I bloody asked 'er were the way to me locker! Next thing she's bloody followin' me there, chattin' shit about fuck knows what... Don't get me wrong she's dead nice but I don' fuckin care, an' I certainly don' fancy 'er anyways, I blame you."

Alex almost stopped walking. Mouth going dry. Miles spoke quickly, sentences running into one another, and Alex had no idea what he was being blamed for... for Miles not fancying this girl? For... getting in the way of him fancying this girl? He almost squeaked out a hoarse, "what?!" As soon as he'd regained some clarity of thought.

If he'd have dragged his eyes away from the floor for long enough he might have noticed Miles' obvious panic at the thing he'd just implied - a thing that was, incidentally, true. Miles tried to compose himself, offering a quick grin.

"Ey, er I jus' meant, ya shoulda walked to school with me, wouldn't 'ave 'ad to ask random birds for directions y'know what I mean?" He elbowed Alex lightheartedly. Alex could feel his heart sink at such an explanation, well not really sink but more like anchor itself down, weighted iron dragging along the seabed making him struggle to keep up until he was simply left stranded, Miles up ahead, disappearing into the distance. Despite the feeling of bleak acceptance rolling over him like a tide he couldn't help smiling at the way Miles kept up a gentle ramble all the way to class. 

If friendship was all he was going to get at least it was going to be a bloody good one.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Christmas party in which some altered senses allow realisation of totally unaltered feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you still read this then wow and also wow! Merry Christmas/happy holidays and please enjoy this hardly Christmas related chapter! xx

A/N: it's been a while, maybe re-read some? Hope y'all enjoy!! So sorry for the delay and happy holidays!! 

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Friendship was exactly what he got, and a friendship unlike any he'd ever had. He'd certainly had some astoundingly close friendships at school, and he considered his three mates; nick, Matt and Jamie (A/N: yo I regret not adding Andy as a character apparently 14yr old me who wrote this story was a fuck up lmao) like brothers. The concept of a brother-like love was something they bandied around like a badge of honour, consistently aware or and conscious of having one another's backs. Yet "brotherly" was something utterly different to what he considered his friendship with Miles to be. 

One time at Miles' they'd been on the topic of being only children with Miles' mother, she’d jokingly commented that she couldn't handle another Miles, launching into a long tirade of mostly jesting irritation over discarded socks and lengthy showers, "oh and don' get me started on the HOURS 'e spends int' bathroom of a mornin'! God, anyone'd think I 'ad a daughter 'stead o' a son!" Alex had imagined for a second that Miles was the "new girl in town" as opposed to the reality. Maybe Matt had just been getting in his head... anyway next Penny had begun musing aloud that "you two could as well be brothers the way you carry on, mind I don' think I ever got on 'alf as well with my brothers as the pair of yous do!" Miles' reaction to that, Alex recalled, had been a rather tactless "mum stop." He’d looked strangely uncomfortable in that moment and Pauline had realised it too so they quickly changed the subject but since then Alex couldn't shake the thought that just maybe he wasn't alone in tasting that bitterness as the word left his mouth. 

Still they were undeniably close, nobody had expected anything quite like the rapid formed and ever strengthening bond of friendship that appeared between the lanky, extremely suave new boy and a circle of well established childhood friends who barely parted ways. Miles, who had arrived one day with his too smart to be cool uniform and his crooked teeth ought to have been ridiculed and yet he'd slotted straight in with Alex's group of mates, proving to be remarkably amusing and brushing off anyone's attempt at a dig with merely a lopsided grin and some funny retort. In short he’d managed to make himself rather popular in hardly any time at all.

What people expected even less than his popularity was the particularly close bond that almost immediately formed between Miles, the surprisingly popular new kid and Alex, the quiet, somewhat studious boy who managed a pretty even spread of "well-liked" and "considered-a-nerd".

Alex tried his best to ignore anything Matt or the others might've said to him but it became increasingly hard in honesty. He flushed every time someone snorted if he and Miles leaned close for a moment. He stuttered over his answers when come Monday morning one of the group would mumble a "saw Miles this weekend did ya?" He scowled when the inevitable jibe of "course 'e did, look how much 'e's smilin'!" Came from Nick. He’d spent many an evening agonising over how he might remedy this. He’d begun trying to ignore the other boy’s closeness, to push away instead of lean in or to avoid talking about him around the others. It lasted maybe 48 hours before he caved, totally enraptured by Miles’ demeanour and personality. He’d found it easier, he supposed, to simply suck up whatever anyone said, to simply brush off their jokes until eventually they gave up bothering and Alex allowed himself to live in blissful apathy toward it all. On such occasions as today, an end of term party at someone’s house, Alex does wonder, very slightly if he’s overstepping a mark. He ends up ditching Miles for a moment, under an excuse of heading to the loo but getting stopped on the way by a girl he hardly knew the name of, all smiles and hair twirling.

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Miles thought about the last 3 or so months as he alternated his stare between the bottom of an almost empty bottle of some sort of German beer and the lad across the room. He couldn't help the little smile that flickered at the corner of his mouth as he watched his friend babbling away quite contentedly to some girl who was very, very clearly making an advance. Now Miles would not have found this amusing in the slightest, had it not been for the fact that Alex was about as clued-in as the shittest detective known to man. Miles watched him for a few seconds longer, wishing he was closer so he could maybe hear what the boy was saying. All he could really infer from the frequent pausing and the occasional hand gesture was that it was probably really interesting. Well, Miles found everything Alex said to be endlessly interesting, but if he allowed his eyes to flick across briefly to the girl, then he realised that she was far more interested in leaning a little on Alex, forcing him to back into the wall slightly. She stumbled a bit, Miles would've said it was on purpose really but he watched Alex laugh it off carefully, making sure she was steady again as she giggled. Honestly he was so oblivious, even with exaggerated hair twisting and careless "drunken unsteadiness" that kept her pitching slightly towards him. Alex effortlessly allowed himself to be her steadying post as they chatted some more. 

Soon enough Miles was becoming irritated, about to unsteadily make his way over an "come to Alex's rescue" - at least that's what he told himself, realistically he supposed, in whimsically drink stupor, that in interrupting he was rescuing himself from having to watch. Before he could move however, Miles was distracted by someone bumping his shoulder, talking too loudly with a drunken slur to his voice.

"Milesss, mate, what ya doing bein' a bloody loner over 'ere in the corner!" 

Miles downed his drink in one mouthful, tearing his eyes away from Alex just long enough to make eye contact with Jamie. Jamie followed the previous fixation of his gaze and broke into a most delighted grin. One that had Miles blinking rapidly and averting his own gaze as he cleared his throat self consciously, cheeks heating up regardless of the alcohol in his system. If Jamie noticed he didn't say, simply eyed his now empty bottle suspiciously before somehow or other managing to conjure a full one from somewhere, a table behind him with an assortment of drinks. Next thing he was quickly pressing the new beer into Miles' palm and muttering, "s'better," with a wide smile. 

Miles didn't know what to say to make conversation and besides it was rather loud. So he just kept quiet, although not entirely by choice. Alcohol has a way of wrapping itself around every unexplored avenue of the mind, of cautiously undoing knots tied up there no matter how purposefully. It wasn't too long till Jamie had caught Miles out in his staring yet again, shoving him in the shoulder again, "yer no' drunk enough mate!" 

He gestured to the bottle in Miles' hand, talking loudly still, although really the volume was necessary over the heavy drum and bass of some R&B classic. Miles thought for a second, if there was no way the alcohol concentration of his blood was about to alleviate this horrible ache of pining... pining? Fuck. He took a hasty swig of the drink, pointedly looked away and then grinned as he caught Jamie's eye. 

"Ay, too righ' Cookie!" 

Jamie grinned back at him but before long he was dragged away by someone who rather alarmingly mentioned that they knew a friend of Joe's "who's brought a shitload o' draw wi' 'im". Miles considered joining the other boys, but suppressed that urge in favour of the other, magnetic style pull, the one that kept his gaze over to the other side of the room. Later he'd find out that it had been a wash anyway, that some wannabe had copped for an entire bag of dried basil... and he'd count himself courageous that he'd chased some other high, regardless of his success. 

Because Miles was bored honestly, couldn't stay there any longer when he was that bored. People watching the drunks was only fun when you were sharing the pastime. 

That was how Miles found himself beside Alex again. Hardly 20 minutes apart had seen him.... craving the other boy's presence... craving... not pining, stupid drunk thought process. He rapidly discovered that Alex was apparently much further gone than he was, if his excited greeting of "Miiiiles!!!! Missed yaaaa!" And an affectionate arm slung over his shoulder was anything to go by. Miles was momentarily stunned but ended up smiling happily at the ridiculous boy. He felt a little awkward for the girl, whose name he didn't know. She was still standing just next to Alex looking barely more sober than he was, her eyes slightly misted as she wobbled a little. Come to think if it she looked familiar but like most people at the party Miles couldn't put a name to the face. I fact he actually had no idea which "Ben" was the host here. He was snapped back to reality by another clap on his shoulder and Alex resting a bit too much of his weight against him that forced him to take a step closer to remain upright. Alex chuckled softly and Miles caught himself smiling completely genuinely with his arm in a steadying gentle hold around Alex's waist. He pushed away slightly, straightening up a little. 

"Ehhh Mi, this is Sarah!" He was gabbling excitedly while Miles attempted one of his most charming greetings and the girl murmured something amused very shyly, before grabbing his arm. She was pretty, some endearing mix of confident and awkward, well dressed and apparently VERY interested. Miles was momentarily confused until Alex whisper-shouted "I promised I'd introduce yas!!" And then it clicked. Well he'd monumentally misjudged that one. Fortunately enough he was spared anything more than general confusion and awkward smalltalk by the fact that Sarah's lift home had disappeared and in that charming way girls have that boys seem to lack she scurried off in concern for her friend, mumbling that she was sorry but "stay here, I'll be RIGHT back!" she had to go and sort something out with someone else. 

He wasn't disappointed.

Not that he didn't like her, in fact not long ago she would've been exactly the sort of person he'd be willing to spend more time. It was just that - and drunken thought process may have been slightly to blame for this - just that he felt entirely underwhelmed by anything anyone might have to say... other than Alex. 

This floppy haired, almost 18 year old boy with his worn and ripped favourite jeans and his blue zip up Adidas jacket, with his dreams of being a proper band and his love for literature. This boy standing in front of him, pulling the label off his bottle with unsteady fingers, was pulling him in. Alex must've felt his stare because he looked up, apparently realising he'd been lost in concentrating on his project. He let a smile quirk the corners of his lips before locking his gaze with Miles'. Miles took in every detail he could of those eyes of his friend, the terrible lighting at the party meant he couldn't differentiate the pupil from the iris but both were dark and Miles could feel himself being pulled into them. He let himself think that the poor lighting might mean that Alex couldn't tell he was staring. 

And then Alex was leaning close, stretching up a little, maybe even tiptoes, he was wobbling slightly and using Miles' elbow to steady himself, Miles struggled a little bit just about kept his breathing in check as Alex leaned further and further towards him. He kept his gaze fixed on Alex's eyes, staring until the boy was close, close enough that his eyelashes blurred together and Miles could finally make out where the dark brown of his irises separated from the depths of his pupils, wide in the gloom. Alex apparently didn't understand what proximity was in his too far gone state because Miles could smell alcohol on his breath when he leaned further in and then their foreheads were bumping together and Alex was giggling, slumping slightly as he reached Miles' ear, where he'd apparently been aiming all along. Miles just about kept his breathing steady. Swallowed hard and forced a smile as Alex giggled a breathless, "le's ge' pissed!" 

Miles didn't even bother with a debate, his smile was effortless, automatic even once he'd heard the giggles and somehow found his arm wrapping naturally around Alex's waist, pulling him closer under the guise of steadying him and earning himself a gentle "mfff" and a "ta" followed by more giggles as Alex eventually regained his footing. Miles suspected he was perfectly steady enough but he never bothered to point out that he was still clinging to his arm.

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Two hours passed in a blur of constant smiles where Miles was concerned. Alex hadn't left his side once the whole entire time. He dragged him around to various conversations and insisted that the night was young even when it was nearing one am and neither of them was particularly sober. 

Really though Alex was worse. Miles had started keeping a very serious eye on him when he'd stumbled into him for the twentieth time in as many minutes, brushing it off with a cheeky apology that made the sinister side of Miles hope that he really was doing it on purpose. Still, nearly half an hour after that it was clear that Alex was just too drunk. Miles still smiled fondly at the boy, taking the presented opportunity to loop an arm around his waist. 

Miles took charge, sought out Jamie and Matt quickly, both of them far too into some game of shot roulette and told them he and Alex would get a taxi back to his. The two other boys grinned, sharing a glance that Miles might have shot them a death glare for had he not been quite so detached. Alex was murmuring something that was probably a "see you later" but came out as a "s'lay'er!" And Matt snorted, "Jesus is 'e alright?" Alex smirked at him, "m'fine, m'great! S'fine Maffew, Mi 'ere is le'tin' me stay a'his, I lo' Miles!" 

Miles tried to wave off the comment, just about caught his limp hand before it smacked him in the face causing everyone to erupt into laughter and then commence a round of tight hugs and goodbyes. Only when they were outside and the quiet and cool air seemed to smack him to his sense did Miles really have a second to think about what what he'd just said. He swallowed hard, tried not to think about how Alex was nuzzling him. 

Miles dialled the taxi in silence and they waited outside, sat on the floor, backs against the low wall in front of the house. They said nothing but there was mostly contentment in the silence. Miles couldn't help dwelling on "I love Miles." Partly unease but mostly, he realised, absolute longing to have those words said again, preferably without hopeless slurring blurring -emphasising?- their truth. 

Miles quashed it all, fingers finding their way to the zip of his hoodie as he began playing with it to pass the time. It seemed so still and for a second he glanced over to Alex, almost expecting him to be asleep. He was startled to find unfocused eyes fixed on his, a soft smile creasing the edges of them and hair falling across his face, the sleeves of that blue jacket of his pushed up to expose toned forearms and his fingernails absentmindedly picking at a tear in his jeans. 

He did that a lot Miles realised, aimless fiddling with whatever was at hand. Once in a particularly boring English lesson it had been Miles' jumper cuff. He'd spent the lesson watching, holding his breath and faking a smile as he glanced up.

It wasn't the first time they'd been in a situation like this though. Alone, silent... staring. Initially it had been spending every weekend at the other's house, working on their music project of course. When that had been completed and both had scored their high marks it was because Miles needed help with his English homework... the one he'd done at least three days before. Or it was because Alex wanted Miles to teach him how to do that awkward chord on his guitar... the one he'd definitely mastered weeks ago. Miles never told him he knew, assumed Alex was aware too. 

Alex had been over one day, just after half term and they'd sat there, on the floor, backs against Miles' bed just like now, a comfortable silence save for the continued whirring of the CD player that had long since finished its quiet rustle of some album or other. It had been just like this where Alex was caught staring and Miles asked him awkwardly if he had something on his face. Then Alex had blushed, brightly, just lovely. He hadn't looked away, shaking his head slightly but still not looking away until Miles smiled softly at him when he shook his head.

Shortly after that they stopped with excuses all together, simply seeing each other all the time, after school, walking there together, holidays, weekends. His mother had become particularly fond of Alex, described him when she phoned his grandmother as "Miles' new friend, lovely lad, charming as our Miles and oh so polite!" Miles did still tease Alex for calling his mother "ma'am" for the whole day when they'd first met. 

Miles stared down at the pavement and a piece of pink bubblegum unattractively stuck there, greying with age. He thought about his mother and how fond she was of Alex. She'd almost refused to let him go to this party actually, seeing as he could barely remember the name of the boy who was holding it, one mention if Alex and his friends going had quelled her fears apparently and she just beamed at him with a "be careful then, make sure you don't come 'ome too late!" 

Miles suddenly thought back to one weekend just at the start of December when it had been particularly wet and gloomy. He and Alex hadn't been apart for weeks and he was especially miserable as he stood behind the counter in his mother's nearly empty butchers shop, staring out the window at a bleak sky and promised rain. She'd asked him what was up and he allowed only a soft grumble. Somehow she'd inferred anyway.

"Seeing our Alex this weekend?" She asked casually, eyes gleaming with a smile and Miles just shook his head. She'd frowned then.

"Oh? Why not? He can come over if he wants," Miles sighed, "nah 'e's not feelin' well, weren't in school or owt yesterday." His mother sighed, "oh, poor love," and ruffled his hair lightly and Miles remembered thinking that he wasn't sure who his mother was referring to when she said that. Alex did come over that weekend, the next day he came round and greeted Miles with a smile even though he was sniffly and he looked tired, and he barely spoke a word all day, greeting his mother with a croaky "hiya Pauline" and then immediately dissolving into a heavy coughing fit. His mother had frowned, pulling him inside gently with the words, "come in out of this awful weather love, don't want that cold getting any worse!"

They spent the afternoon in Miles' bedroom and hardly spoke because Miles knew Alex was still feeling shit and his voice had suggested that his throat was sore. Miles' mum brought tea up, checking up on Alex surreptitiously and smiling at the two who'd ended up watching some dvd. When she left, Miles tried not to seem obvious about shuffling closer to Alex until the lad was practically pressed against his side. Alex surprised him by putting his head on his shoulder and Miles wanted so badly to shift so his arm was around Alex, holding him close in a hug, telling himself that Alex was ill and that was good enough reasoning for such an urge, to comfort him of course, when he needed it. Alex ended up falling asleep on his shoulder that evening and Miles spent the rest of the evening worrying about him, thinking maybe he should tuck him into bed because he looked cold. Instead Alex just shuffled closer to him, still ensconced in laboured sleep, sniffling from time to time. Miles spent a lot of time watching him. Thinking. Allowing himself to feel certain things that he usually shut down immediately if Alex was around. The boy looked so beautiful, even if he was a little too pale and the edges of his nose slightly red. When Alex did actually start to shiver, just fractionally, Miles frowned and carefully pushed Alex's sleep heavy body off of his shoulder, just enough that he could gently wrap an arm around his back and pull him close into his own warmth. Any excuse he supposed. Alex stayed asleep, looking worse than when he'd arrived and obviously not feeling much better. He was fine come morning but he slept beside Miles, cuddled him really which was sweet. In hindsight he realised he'd taken all advantage of the fact that he wasn't feeling himself. The boy did need him close though, it was a mutual pleasure in the cuddle he was entirely certain. 

Miles was brought back to the moment with the gentle pressure of Alex's head dropped on his shoulder and muttering of "m'tired". Miles chuckled, maybe it was the alcohol making him so bold but he had no problems slipping his arm around Alex this time. 

Their moment was interrupted by the arrival of the taxi and they settled into the back together, Miles' arm still keeping him close while he rattled off his address. 

Miles thought of when he'd first told Alex his address and Alex realised just how close they really did live. Alex sighed beside him and he grinned, "wha'sa matter Al?" He whispered and Alex giggled, he was staring again, smiling with his teeth showing. Miles thought about when they'd first gone to a party together unlike tonight's Christmas party it had been an unthemed night, and Alex had been probably as drunk as he was now but Miles was even more so, Alex had leaned close to him and said "I fuckin' luv Ya Mi!" forcing a chorus of chuckles from their friends who were brushing him off as the "affectionate drunk". 

Miles had blushed really hard then but joined in their laughter until he saw Alex gazing at him with those beautiful eyes wide, he smiled along with the others but his eyes were serious, almost longing.

Miles didn't break eye contact until he realised he'd been zoning out, totally lost in that memory and was now staring at that same expression, a shy smile but serious eyes because he'd definitely just said it again, more quietly though and although he was probably a little more drunk he'd managed a simple, straightforward "luv ya Mi". This time, without their friends around to remind them that he was just "the affectionate drunk" without the laughter that customarily followed a drunken "I love you" and with the only music the pulsing of his heartbeat in his ears, Miles had a hard time believing those three words weren't true. He didn't look away until they were nose to nose and Alex's eyelids were sliding shut, the smaller lad's cautious path becoming clearer and clearer to Miles until-

"Alex!" Alex opened his eyes, immediately pulling away and blushing awkwardly, "m'sorry Mi- I dunno wha' tha' were..." He tried to laugh it off but Miles just shushed him, "Al, dun't matter, that weren't the point, point were... yer absolutely wankered, I-" he cut himself off, taking a deep breath, "-I jus' don' want ya to do some thin' yer gonna... Regret.." Alex sighed, breaking into a smile as the taxi slowed, shoving some money at Miles and staggering out of the car. Miles stared for a second, dumbstruck by Alex's nonchalance. Maybe he really was smashed, he probably wouldn't remember a thing in the morning. 

"Yer too good to meh," he half whined in a slur. Miles sighed, pulled him close, maybe Alex really wouldn't remember. He didn't know if that was a good thing. 

Honestly it didn't even feel awkward when they fell into Miles' bed together, they'd done it enough times but Miles had this cloud fogging his mind, echoing that they'd never slept in the same bed after an almost kiss in the back of a taxi. 

Fortunately enough Alex was clearly pretty smashed because he was out like a light the second Miles climbed in beside him and pulled the duvet over them. Miles lay for a moment torn in his own mind. If Alex didn't remember then should he bring it up? Nothing seemed to matter when after a good ten minutes or so, Alex snuffled in his already heavy sleep, rolling over so that he was closer to Miles, an arm slung carefully across his torso, possessive almost and he mumbled into Miles' pillow. Miles forgot for a second to be scared of the new territory they may have just entered and smiled, getting comfortable in the half embrace and he fell asleep within minutes, Alex's dead weight arm resting heavily on his chest. 

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A/N: a very merry Christmas to those who celebrate! Happy holidays if not! 


	13. Chapter 12

A/N: a brand new chapter, not a rewrite or an edit! I hope y’all enjoy it! :)

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“Alex?”

It took a long while summoning courage to actually speak. All for nothing apparently since he went largely ignored. Miles had woke early, groggy from the night before and much too warm. He’d automatically gone to shove the offending heap of duvet away, eyes still firmly shut against the cold light of morning but he froze as his hand came into contact with something warm and solid.

“Fuck,” he cursed gently maybe because of the headache he’d just been greeted with but more likely because of the other thing he’d just been greeted by; a rush of remembrance from the night before. He blinked his eyes open although it filled him with regret for reasons twofold. Firstly, he’d left the curtains open and it wasn’t just bright in the room, it was also sunny and hot because he’d forgotten to close the curtains. Despite the cold weather outside, the white frost that reflected the light all the more had the room heating up quickly due to its east facing window.

Secondly, once his vision cleared somewhat his gaze landed with immediacy on a sight so startling that he had to bite his lip. Suddenly he realised what or rather who he’d clumsily hit with his hand.

“Fuck,” he mumbled again. His throat was dry, eyes prickling from sleepiness but really he was comfortable - physically at least. The figure of his friend against his side was comforting in a way he couldn’t really describe. Mentally though, not so much, he was utterly on edge, the situation itself enough to have his pulse racing, throbbing at his temples somewhere. Fuck. He sighed cautiously, releasing all his breath at once having been holding it in lest the movement jolted Alex.

For a second he couldn’t think what had him so jumpy, he’d spent enough nights in the same bed as Alex of course, over those first few months. They mostly stayed at Alex’s since his room was bigger, a little cluttered perhaps but he had space in there where they could both play guitar. Besides, Alex’s garage was where the rest of them “rehearsed”, courtesy of Penny’s kindness as well as the fact that her and David usually weren’t home until after 6. So usually they’d go there after school, the five of them, and sometimes Miles would stay for dinner... or longer.

Miles’ room was... cosier by contrast. His bed wasn’t quite a double and he didn’t quite have space for a desk. Not that there wasn’t space enough for the pair of them of course and they’d spent many nights there during that first term too. They’d also spent a night at Matt’s, squished together on the sofa. Actually Alex had woken him by inelegantly shoving him away totally by accident and landing them both on the floor amongst giggles. Really they’d spent a good many nights in... very close proximity... but none of those nights... or subsequent mornings had had Miles waking to feel quite so uneasy.

Maybe, he supposed rather reluctantly, it was to do with the not-quite-kiss from the night before. Much as he wanted it not to bother him he really couldn’t help thinking about it a lot.

What if Alex had blocked the memory out entirely? What if he hadn’t? What if... Miles had let him kiss? Or... what if a kiss had never been Alex’s intention and he’d just read it totally wrong. Should he mention it? Forget about it entirely? (Not forget of course but pretend he had.) Should he question Alex? Fuck no absolutely not that last one, that would be much too awkward. But then what if neither of them spoke of it again and they went all through the year as just friends when there could’ve been something more there? Or what if he did mention it and something did come of it and then they fell out and he lost the best friend he’d ever had?

Fuck.

All this thinking was far too much. He could hear that pulse echoing in his ears and forced himself calm lest his heavy heartbeat might wake the other boy, pressed as he was to his chest. A ridiculous thought perhaps. Alex was completely out still, utterly undisturbed and half snoring. Damn he was lovely. All messy hair and delicately flushes cheeks, totally warm where he was draped over Miles like a second blanket. He had an arm around him loosely, draped over his torso and the other twisted up somewhere beside him. His leg pushed against Miles’, wearing his jeans still from the night before but no top. Miles smiled as he remembered the words he’d said as he stumbled into the bedroom.

“It’s too much fabric Mi!” As if the jeans weren’t. A fond, sleep heavy gaze and then Miles resolved to ignore all and just close his eyes again. He might’ve succeeded in falling back to sleep had Alex not huffed gently, squeezed him close and then exhaled slowly and released him again. Aside from the internal panic set through him by the action itself there was also that fact that he’d just become aware of pins and needles in his arm. He couldn’t possibly ignore it now. Wiggling his fingers didn’t help and soon enough he sighed to admit defeat.

“Alex?” He called gently. He must’ve been awake for half an hour by then. “Al?” He tried when he’d had no answer. He startled, at the third, slightly louder attempt, inhaled sharply and blinked up at Miles.

“Ah fuck, sorreh,” came the gentle mumble, still sleep heavy and raspy. He pushed himself off, turned around and face planted the opposite pillow, curling up and snoring again in seconds. Miles shoved a hand through his hair, sitting up and heaving a heavy sigh. Relief at the fact that for a while longer he could ignore all those bothersome thoughts spiralling round his head. He’d probably wait till Alex had gone and then ponder everything for much too long before scribbling some crap lines down and spending the Christmas holidays agonising over refining them and twisting them into lyrics. He was much too awake though suddenly, desperate for water and some form of painkiller and so he slunk out of the room, pulling a jumper on as he went and leaning against the closed door with relief once he was in the hallway, closing his eyes and sighing gently.

“Miles?” He jumped, totally startled by his mother’s voice.

“Jesus mum!” He hissed, shaking his head as he stepped away from the closed door.

“Well it’s not my fault you’re so jumpy! Hey! Look at me when I talk to ye Miles, why d’ya look so bloody sketchy,” she glanced back at his closed bedroom door. He rolled his eyes and stepped passed her toward the kitchen.

“No I’m serious Miles, did you bring someone back last night?” He cringed suddenly.

“Christ mum, it’s just...” he hesitated, swallowed a lump in his throat as he met her expectant gaze.

“Just who??”

“Alex mum, Alex spent the night, is that ok with you?? Goddd,” he rolled his eyes again, “anyone would think I’m hosting orgies the way you carry on.”

“Miles Peter Kane!” He winced. Okay maybe he was being just a tad moody.

“Sorry mum,” he sighed. “Sorry I just...” he really was jumpy. She stared at him, expectant, waiting for him to continue. “I ‘av a ragin’ hangover, so I’m gonna grab some paracetamol and I’ll talk to you when I’m not grouchy k?” He kissed her cheek on the way past for good measure. “Sorry.” Luckily she didn’t question him any more, had to get back down to the shop and let him slip away amid her slight daze.

“Get a shower Miles, I need your help downstairs later on.”

Back in his room again he sighed gently at the cluttered mess there, knowing it could do with being tidied. He felt out of sorts, couldn’t pin it down properly but even as he avoided glancing at his friend, still asleep he knew it had something... everything to do with Alex. He shook the thoughts from his head, knocked back the pills in his hand and took a sip from the water. Maybe a shower would help. He crossed the room, deposited the pills beside Alex in case he woke while he was in the shower and then did the same with a tall glass of water.

“Fuck!” Came a gentle exclamation, making him startle. “Mornin’,” a gentle croaky mumble to follow. He smiled automatically.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake ya... I...” he tailed off, much too distracted by how Alex was sitting up, rubbing his eye and then yawning like a kitten. He was shirtless of course and when he stretched gracefully the sheets fell. Miles didn’t really mean to but he averted his eyes pointedly, cleared his throat awkwardly and turned away.

“I’m gonna take a shower now.” His words came out rushed and he was out the door in two steps, just catching a sleepy expression of confusion cross the other boy’s face along with the mumble of “Mi?” that passed his dry lips. Damn he was so messy and flustered and lovely. Miles had come to realise in many contexts that Alex was just... totally lovely. But such thoughts still perplexed him and right now he was much too groggy and hungover to be dealing with sleepy smiles and sun patterns from the window criss-crossing his pale chest.

He reasoned he’d simply try again when he felt more human, when he was clean and dressed and... less easily able to be caught off guard, more ready to face the day, more aware of the controls to his senses. Most of the time, as he’d become accustomed, he could... block out Alex’s unwitting charm like it was some perfectly tuned radio station that he could simply fiddle the dial with until it became crackly and nonsensical and less distractingly lovely, just white noise.

Of course it didn’t always work like that. Often the opposite effect occurred, Alex would be speaking and Miles would helplessly hone in, watching intently as the background noises all faded to grey and Alex’s voice or laugh or whatever it might be was all he could hear.

The rush of the shower pulled him back to reality and he stepped in, letting the warm water fall on his face as he closed his eyes against the world.

————————/————————

Alex blinked in the sudden silence after Miles shut the door behind himself. Cursed quietly and let himself fall back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling with irritation. He was tired, could easily have slept longer and yet was suddenly wide awake, thoughts racing beyond comprehension. The standouts were two things: firstly he’d tried to kiss Miles last night, a thought that came accompanied by a groan. Secondly, he’d only tried, hadn’t actually kissed him because Miles has pushed him away, ever gentle obviously but clearly unwilling.

And now Miles had gone, had spoken all of two sentences to him and opted for escape. Much as it filled him with anguish Alex concluded that he should leave before Miles came back, leave him alone as he most likely was hoping for. He pulled his shirt on in a hurry, shoved his feet in his shoes and grabbed his jacket on the way out. In the hallway he could hear the shower going. Sometimes Miles sang in the shower when they stayed at his house or hummed at the very least but all Alex could hear was the water running. He sighed, sped down the stairs and out to the butchers shop underneath the apartment, pulling the jacket on as he went.

“Alex? You’re off so soon love?” Pauline asked, offering a cheery wave to the customer she’d just served. She smiled at him so warmly that for a moment he felt a rush of emotion, overtired and certain he’d messed up something wonderful.

“Uhm....” he stumbled, caught out like a deer in headlights. “Miles went for a shower so...” She frowned at him. It was sort of weird he supposed, usually of Miles went for a shower Alex would just wait until he was done and mess about in his bedroom.

“Why don’t ya stay a bit dear? Give him a few minutes, I’m sure he’ll make you some breakfast or somethin’, don’t think he’ll be that long.”

Alex sighed. “Sorry... uh I just, think it’s best if I go... thanks for letting me stay.”

He hurried off, narrowly avoiding knocking over a customer as he before she had a chance to reply, felt rude for it but really couldn’t bring himself to explain or stay any longer honestly. As soon as he stepped outside the cold winter air hit him hard and he felt lost. He walked quickly, hands shoved deep in pockets and brooding. Finally he fished out his phone, fiddled with star and unlock before flipping through contacts and dialling.

“Need to talk to you.” he greeted.

————————/———————

Dressed in clean clothes and hair still wet from the shower Miles realised he’d fucked up. His bedroom was messy, bed still unmade, glass of water on the bedside untouched, no sign of a certain brunette, any of his clothes, or his battered flip phone. Heaving probably his fiftieth sigh that morning he stalked out of the bedroom and downstairs, hoping maybe working in the shop might take his mind off things.

“Hi mum,” he coughed out awkwardly, avoiding her gaze. She played it tactfully, greeted him kindly and didn’t ask him about Alex’s swift departure but he was sure he heard her joking with one of their regulars later. “Teenagers uhhh the drama, it’s been like a bloody soap opera in ‘ere this mornin’!”

When it got quiet later in the shop she turned to him, sighed at the way he was distractedly messing with one of the displays, awkwardly rearranging posters and such.

“Miles? C’mon love, what’s wrong? Are you in a mood with Alex hmm? Did summat happen?” He scoffed at her wording, unaware though she was of its poignancy.

“No mum, nothing, at all, happened,” he faked a laugh and she sighed again.

“Well if you’re moody about somethin’ don’t bring it to work, if you wanna mope you’re better off goin’ upstairs, don’t be so cagey with me when I just ask you a simple question hmm?” She rolled he eyes and for a moment he felt bad. Perhaps she’d expected him to take her up on it and disappear upstairs in a mood but he went quiet.

“Mum, do you think people become more truthful when they’re drunk or just... have... looser morals?” He struggled for the right words, kept his gaze fixed on the pages he was unnecessarily messing with.

“Miles...“ he looks up, searching her gaze and seeing a mixture of confusion and concern there. She was obviously trying to find words. “Well love... it’s hard to tell, but I think... maybe the best way to know is to, Uhm, to talk... about... whatever it is, later on... today maybe, when no alcohol is involved.” She smiled reassuringly like it was the easiest thing in the world and her suggestion wouldn’t totally smash all the eggshells he was currently walking in. He’d gone silent though and it seemed to make her uneasy but he was just thinking hard.

“Look if something happened at this party-“

“-you know what just... just forget it Mum, I’m gonna... I’ll just...” he hurried to hang his apron up and shut the door with a bang, feeling flustered as soon as he was alone.

In his bedroom Mikes was astonished by how much Alex’s particular scent had managed to linger. When he lay on the bed, irritatedly still in turmoil with his thoughts, all he could smell was Alex, his Lacoste aftershave that he always wore to go out. He flipped onto his back and grabbed his phone, typing quickly before he could change his mind.

M: _thought you were gonna stay a bit, I owe you breakfast_

His phone buzzed in his hand moments later and for a second he was elated to have a response. But when he read it he sighed.

_Al: _U don’t owe me anything Miles__

Miles deliberated, bit his lip as he considered the response but eventually gave up and called instead. His heart was pounding in time with the dial tone, hoping Alex would actually pick up. When he heard a mumbled “hi” he smiled breathlessly for a moment.

“Not true, I owe you a fiver for betting Jamie wouldn’t actually jump off the science block roof... or climb up there at all for that matter.”

He held his breath but was relieved to hear Alex giggle, that sweet laugh he loved so much.

“Yeh well, I know Jamie better than you.” He sounded tentative and not really as lazily carefree as usual but at least he was talking to him. Miles exhaled carefully.

“Why’d you leave?” He fiddled with a loose thread on his sleeve, scared to hear the answer that was delayed in coming.

“You, seemed like you wanted to be alone.” He sounded uncertain, or rather like he had been certain but was suddenly questioning.

“Oh...” it was awkwardly quiet for a bit while Miles wondered how to explain how he felt. Someone ought to address the elephant in the room he supposed but he didn’t really want to be the one to do it, just in case said elephant had been utterly forgotten by Alex, because if not, it had become sufficiently awkward enough that they couldn’t really laugh it off anymore. Miles was about to speak but Alex got there first.

“Come over, tomorrow? The band are coming to practice at half 2, come before though,” he rushed. “I err... we... need to talk.”

Miles winced, shut his eyes and just mumbled in response. “Yeh k, see you then.” The phone call clicked off without even a goodbye.

A/N: I’m pretty sure there are about two people who still read this fic so I hope you two enjoyed the new chapter!


	14. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt helps Alex figure a few things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: hiyaaa! The usual apologies for lateness! Hope y’all like this chapter - next chapter will be way more action, but I hate the term “filler chapter” since this is still pretty important and also longggggg! Disclaimer... idk which of the parents have a strong Sheffield accent but for fic purposes let’s assume all of them do (I have a feeling penny isn’t from Yorkshire but let’s pretend she is lol) enough delaying, onwards!!

“Need to talk to you,” he rushes the second the phone clicks on. 

A giggle. “Well hello to you as well love, I imagine you’re looking for our Matthew hmm?” Alex exhales all his breath noisily, screwing his eyes up at his own embarrassment. 

“Mrs. Helders... I’m... m’so sorreh.” She chuckles again and he’s biting his lip.

“That’s ok love, sound like yer in a bit of a tizz there, it were Matt you’re after hmm?” Alex drops his head to his hands before garbling hurriedly.

“Uhm... yeh yeh actually, d’you know when he’s home? I kinda need to speak with him.” 

“Yeh, I think ‘e spent the night at Jamie’s, I’ll let him know you called when he gets back, is it a school thing? What should I tell ‘im?” Alex thinks hard for a moment, how would this be best described. 

“Uhm jus’ tell ‘im... I’m ‘aving a problem with uhm... my music project?” She assures him she’ll let Matt know although she does remind him that Matt doesn’t take music and he curses himself inwardly. The second he hangs up after a swift “thanks Mrs Helders, ta, thank you!” he’s met with at least his third embarrassment of the day. 

“Mum! Hi!” His heart is beating so hard, he’s jumpy. She narrows her eyes at him. 

“You ok?” He nods fervently, trying his best to nonchalantly squeeze past and get to the stairs so he can go up to his room and lie on his bed and feel sorry for himself and maybe just let his mind race to its own content until Matt phones back and he can pour it all out. 

“What’s this trouble with your music project then, I’m sure yer dad could have a look?” 

He could just die on the spot maybe? The carpet’s coming up a little, maybe the hallway floor will swallow him. Why are there always so many questions. He tries to keep calm, tries to think about something neutral and maybe something he can make up to lie to his mum so that he won’t be forced to spend all afternoon working through the non-existent music project troubles he has. Every thought is twisting down some road that inevitably leads to Miles. 

“It’s not the project it’s more my... partner,” he blurts, tongue twisting strangely around that final word and he can feel himself go red. His mum seems startled, by the outburst maybe or perhaps it’s what he said in itself. 

“What Miles?? No, no are you two havin’ a fallin’ out or sumthin’?” He can’t take it, pushes past her, hurrying upstairs as he shouts down. “No mum, it’s none of your business!” He shouldn’t have shouted probably but that’s ok for now, he couldn’t care any less in all honesty.

It’s really quiet in his bedroom, really quiet and really stuffy. He feels a bit sick actually but then again he had drank and awful lot the night before. Maybe a shower would be a good idea. Still he can’t quite bring himself to move, he’s made it to the unmade bed, flopped down on his back and promptly shut his eyes and it’s quite apparent that he’s not going anywhere, not until everything stops spinning at least. With a heavy sigh he lets himself sink deeper into the mattress but everything still spins and for some reason he can’t pin down he’s confused, dazed even and ridiculously uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the way his duvet is half pulled back so his back is half on the soft quilt and half on bare mattress? Or the fact his blinds are half closed and it’s making we the shadows weird? Or maybe it’s the way the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt from the night before are pressing into his cheek and making indents? Or maybe it’s because he’s not got that warmth next to him like he’s had the night before, when all those other things had managed not to bother him in the slightest.

He stands up, blinking in the daze and righting each wrong one at a time. At least it gives him something to occupy his mind. He fixes his bed so it’s neat and takes his shirt off to chuck in the wash, pulling on an off white Adidas tshirt instead. Instantly he feels better with the soft cotton instead of the stiff collared button up. But then after that the room as a whole seems too messy so he sets to cleaning it up a bit, folding clothes and clearing space at his desk and then finally, when he’s feeling a little more human, he dares to open the blinds properly, just in time to hear the doorbell. 

It’s Matt, he can hear him talking to his mum at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Hiya Mrs.Turner.” She adores Matt. He can hear her laugh easily, scold him for not calling her “Penny” the way she always does, and then asks him if he’s there for Alex. Alex almost rolls his eyes but before he he can hurry down the stairs and whisk Matt up to avoid further questioning his mum is offering up all sorts of unnecessary details. 

“He’s in a right mood y’know, something about this music project, god only knows, he’s been clattering about upstairs ever since he got home! Please sort him out won’t ye?” Matt chuckles and agrees swiftly that he will “sort him out”. Wow. 

Matt greets him with an irritatingly bright smirk. He just scowls. 

“Ohhh come on, what’s got your knickers in a twist eh? Music project?” He smirks again. 

“Sod off Maffew, I panicked, me mum were asking questions... an’ she’s tellin’ me that me dad can ‘elp and so I panicked even more and now she bloody thinks I’m having “a falling out” wi’ Miles-“ 

Matt snorts, cutting him off. “More like falling _for_ ,” he mutters under his breath.

“What?!” Alex can feel himself flushing. The outburst is more of a reflex than anything and Matt immediately backtracks like he’s realised he’s hit a nerve. Whatever he’s saying though is going straight over Alex’s head, he’s totally zoning out and really aware of it but he can’t help thinking about what Matt said. Because... it’s true... or actually, for that matter, it’s.... beyond that...

“And I didn’t mean.. like.. that yknow, sometimes me mouth moves before me brain thinks, I just-“ 

“-more like _fallen_ for.” 

“WHAT?!” 

“What?” Alex echoes, suddenly panicked. Did he say that out loud? If Matt’s shocked expression is anything to go by then he must’ve done. 

“You just... did you just say..?” 

“Matthew! Shut up.” He can feel his cheeks heat quickly and Matt, in fairness, does go quiet. The silence stretches for long enough that the discomfort starts to get at him. 

“Fuck I can’t think...” 

Matt sighs gently but for some reason Alex gets the impression he’s just a little bit delighted. If he is though he doesn’t show it, yet another reason Matt is and probably - hopefully - always will be his best friend. 

“So... Uhm... me mum says you wanted to tell me summat.” Alex recognises it as a gentle attempt to change the subject but unfortunately it’s not a change of subject at all. Matt doesn’t know that of course so Alex takes a breath and lays down on the bed, staring up at the swirling pattern on the ceiling. 

“Yeh... the music project I-“ 

“-Alex... I know you finished it before we broke up for the holiday, I literally went to watch the performance, c’mon mate, spit it out yeh?” If Alex had bothered to look up he might’ve noticed that Matt looked just a little concerned. The fact that Matt already knew about near enough everything should have perhaps helped but he felt cornered. 

“Sorry... sorry I can’t- I wouldn’t- I dunno where to even start.” 

Matt just stares. Alex knows they both realise that Matt is totally up to date on the... situation. “Yeh... Yeh yer right, uh okay,” he’s stalling, very aware of the fact but he can’t just say it, something is totally blocking him. Maybe it’s the certainty of the fact that comes with saying it aloud, maybe up until he tells someone else he can keep pretending it didn’t happen. 

“Look mate... you don’t have to say... uh... whatever it is-“

“No I- I’m not sure that I want to but I think I need to get it out Maffew, it’s... it’s drivin’ me insane.” Matt looks at him expectantly while his gaze just flits around from one thing to the next in his room, his fingers pulling itching, hand in his hair and then chewing off a messy bit of nail on his thumb. 

“It’s... last night I...” he drops his head to his hands. Matt seems pretty comfy where he’s settled himself on Alex’s bed. Alex on the other hand is anything but comfortable. He sinks maybe a little too dramatically to the floor, settling with his legs stretched in front of him, crossed at his ankles with his back against the bed, head falling back against the mattress.

“Fuck this is girly... I feel like m’on a sleepover,” he snorts but it’s a self deprecating thing. Matt laughs too but he’s sure it’s a pity laugh. As if his hands weren’t already shaking. Much too aware that he’ll probably keep stalling he stands up, mostly so his hands have something to do, and he starts tidying things. Matt, bless him, says nothing, he waits, ever patient, flipping through Alex’s CDs quietly. A few minutes pass before Matt sighs.

“Al... I’ve never seen it this tidy in your room,” he comments and so Alex stops, turns around quickly. 

“Yeh... so I tried to kiss Miles.” 

There’s a clatter as Matt drops the discs he’s holding and then swears gently. Alex can’t even see because the second the words left his mouth he dropped his head to his hands, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Well... that... I wasn’t expecting...” Matt murmurs but Alex just stares at his ceiling. Matt, probably assuming he’s not about to expand on his bombshell clears his throat to talk but Alex interrupts, switching from “dead silent” to “can’t stop” with a single exhalation of breath.

“I was drunk! We were both... and at the party an’ all this girl sh-she were all up against me, like askin’ me to introduce ‘er to Mi... and I felt so... jus’ the idea of ‘er talkin’ to ‘im was... I dunno Maffew, but she were... gorgeous yknow? Bit too much fake tan tho but yeh... she’d score high... I didn’t even know her name Matt! She just... was talkin’ and talkin’ and I didn’t know any o’ the people she were on abaht an’ I dunno mate maybe she were year above? Anyway, so Miles comes over... an’ he’s like...” Alex hesitates for just a second, avoiding Matt’s raised eyebrow and rubbing over his face with his knuckles, “nah.. nah m’not gonna say it...” he half chuckles, “where was I...? Oh! Yeh and he just... Miles, he were... and there were like... his arm, an’ me shoulders it were... and then we were outside and everything was... y’know like... all, y’know an’ stuff because I dunno ‘ow much I drank but... it’s just that everywhere I looked he were... and I was just... so we’re outside an’ there’s a wall so I’m leanin’ on it, an’ he sat so close, an’ put his arm round me... an’ all I could fink abaht were this time a few weeks ago... an’ I were so miserable, remember ‘ow I missed school fer a couple days cuz I were ill? Anyway I never told you this but... I wanted company, like,” he pulled at a loose strand of his jeans, a habit he could never quite break when he was this nervous. “Uhm... I went round Miles’ an’ must’ve complained enough tha’ he took pity on me-“

“-woah,” Matt finally interrupts, “Alex... take a breath yeh?” He inhales dutifully but he can’t meet his eyes yet. 

“I know about that Al,” his voice is really gentle, “he called me.”

Alex’s eyes shoot up, wide with confusion and surprise.

Matt seems amused. “Miles were pretty worried about you, he talked a lot about how you kept talking in yer sleep but he couldn’t understand ye. An’ then he said summat about how you wouldn’t stop cuddlin’ him.” 

“WHAT!? Matt! Jesus you didn’t tell me!!” Matt raises his hands defensively. But Alex has already gone bright red.

“C’mon Al! Miles told me not to say anythin’, how could I ‘ave told ye anyway?Besides, chill out won’t ye, I know ‘ow cuddly ya get, it’s not that big of a deal!” 

Alex thinks about it, embarrassing though it is to admit he does get cuddly, when he’s drunk, sick, tired, stressed... okay so he likes closeness... from some people more than others... 

“What did he say?” The words leave his mouth before he’s really thought about them, but he is curious. Matt’s looking at him with exasperation. 

“Mate... does it matter? Ye never finished ye story, would ye just... skip to the “I tried to kiss Miles” part, I’m curious... define... tried?” He looks far too delighted for Alex’s tastes, a smirk playing at his lips that has Alex groaning. He pulls himself up onto the bed again and lies down on his back, one hand falling across his stomach as he stares up at the ceiling. 

“He... uh well he sorta pushed me off.” 

Matt’s face falls. “What?” His voice is quieter than it had been.

“Don’t make me repeat it.” 

“Mate,” Matt begins and his voice is gentle, pitying almost so he feels a need to clarify. 

“Tha’s not the problem Matt, he were actually really nice about it, he said summat abaht ‘ow he didn’t wanna let me go through wi’ summat if I’d regret it later when I’m sober.” Saying the words aloud has him faltering. 

“He said that?” Alex just nods, not trusting his voice when he feels so... strangled. 

“Fuck, mate, that’s what ‘e said when he called me! How he wanted t’ let ya cuddle wi’ him but he didn’t want ye t’ feel weird abaht it... y’know what tha’ means?” 

“What?? No I have no idea what that means! Fuck Maffew, what... what does it mean?” To his surprise Matt snorts easily, as if they haven’t just been talking about the complete mess Alex is in. 

“Means he’s way too good for you mate, like seriously!” Alex just groans hard. 

“Shut uppp, fuck...” despite himself he laughs. Mostly an expulsion of tension he supposes, he certainly doesn’t find it funny but he’s relieved to have talked at last. The silence has finally mellowed our into something more comfortable. He’s still too freaked out to be totally at ease but for a second just lying there staring at the ceiling is quite enough. He takes his time formulating what to say next, Matt’s put a CD in, Interpol actually, he recognises it straight away it’s Matt’s CD actually, he bought it straight away the year before when it came out but Alex has been “borrowing” it for ages. The volume’s low yet instantly he feels better now that the silence isn’t swallowing him, like his thoughts were echoing and reverberating around. The music pads it out so he can think a bit better. 

“I could prob’ly write abaht this...” he muses aloud. Matt snorts. “Ohhh Yeh, there’s my favourite brooding singer-songwriter,” he jokes, ruffling his hair fondly. 

“Jesus Matt.” He can’t help giggling though. 

“So...” Matt begins eventually, “help me out here mate... if ye’ve... Uhm... “fallen for” ‘im-“ 

“-eh! Watch it Maffew!” He warns but Matt just smirks back.

“Your words, not mine... anyways ermm an’ his reasonin’ fer... not reciprocation’ were jus’ that ‘e didn’t wanna embarrass ye... an’ bearin’ in mind this’s ‘appened twice now...” 

“Matt, I’m the one who takes years to get out a sentence, d’you think you could make yer point anytime this decade?” He’s getting irritated by everything, a lousy headache from his hangover not helped in the slightest by his racing thoughts. 

“Yeh mate, what I’m sayin’ is, I don’t fink he’s opposed to the idea o’ you kissin’ ‘im in general... y’know?” He wiggles his eyebrows, smirking with his entire body language somehow. Alex can’t find it in him to return the thought. He just sighs. 

“That’s the fing tho... this mornin’ he... well I never even saw ‘im really, we didn’t talk abaht it, I jus’ woke up and e’s mumblin’ ‘ow ‘e needs t’take a shower an’... I dunno mate seemed like ‘e wanted t’ be alone so I jus’ left... called you, well... yer mum actually... but yeh...” he trails off, that’s it, that’s his whole spiel. As predicted Matt frowns. 

“Oh.” 

Suddenly the music is grating on him, like there should be silence but there isn’t. The nausea’s back too. It’s like Matt’s gentle acceptance has forced a few truths home. 

“Fuck, Yeh I know, I’ve ruined it Matt, he’s probably never gonna speak t’me again, an’ I don’ blame ‘im! M’a fuckin’ mess mate, I jus’ don’t wanna ruin it, didn’t wanna ruin it... fuck but like... I’ve ‘ardly known ‘im three months and I’m already... this much of a fuckin’ mess? M’not even gay!” Matt gives him a look. 

“What?? I’m not!” Matt sighs. It’s just Miles though, Miles does this to him, arrests his judgement and spins everything. Maybe it’s that physical closeness that he so often encourages. Or perhaps it’s that easy way of speaking that he has, that constant flirt he employs on everyone they know that makes Alex melt. But then why isn’t everyone else feeling it too. 

“Al... maybe yer not so keen on admittin’ things when they’re so... rigid... I mean... you don’ ‘ave t’ be... uhm... specific into... blokes...” Matt’s tone is serious suddenly, and soft, placating almost. The topic has become all the more difficult to navigate and they’re both aware of it. He feels too grown up all of a sudden, like listening to Interpol in his bedroom is but a memory he has of years before. Like he’s making some important life decision that’ll make or break him. 

“... but you’ve got feelin’s for ‘im mate,” Matt concludes gently. Now that it’s said aloud though it feels like too much. 

“I don’t fink I do Matthew,” he gets out before he can really process it. What surprises him is that he says the words calmly. As if they’re true. Matt’s expression becomes unreadable, a torrent of unsureness that manifests itself in flickering gaze, from Alex’s eyes to his shoulders and back up. Alex recognises it as the “are you telling the truth right now” look. He sighs, the words that leave his lips taste like lies but they’re twisted by some verity or other and Matt seems to actually believe him. 

“It’s not like that Matt, it’s... a... physical thing, I think.” He blushes hard.

“Right, right fuck of course... sorry mate uhm... fuck yeh, okay so...” the younger lad looks lost, a feeling Alex is so unused to that he’s taken aback for a moment, almost backtracking and going off on the idea that maybe there are... feelings. But then with the intro of another song from the CD player in the corner a spell is broken and Matt smirks. 

“So to clarify, you /just/ want to fuck him?” 

He’s hot suddenly, cheeks flushing from a combination of embarrassment and sparking of a thought process he usually tried to avoid. 

“God Matthew, do you mind being serious for a second?? Christ if I’d wanted this kinda conversation I’d ‘ave called Jameh!” He’s not angry, not really... but he’s confused, tired, overwhelmed really by everything, his cheeks are surely a fiery red by now but he can’t even bring himself to hide him face. Matt’s too busy laughing at his own comment to really notice anyway but Alex is tearing himself apart inside. 

He can’t help replaying bits and pieces from the night before, every touch of Miles’ on his shoulder, an arm around his back, their foreheads close so they could hear one another, Alex leaning closer in the back of the taxi, steaming drunk and desperate for something unreachable, Miles’ gentle words spoke close so he could talk soft and still be heard, the way his arm never left its position curled around him. He didn’t remember getting into bed but he woke with pins and needles, warm and content despite the overall disgusting feeling that comes with waking after having drank a lot. And then the opposite when he woke properly. That cold absence and the emptiness within. Miles’ eagerness to leave the room and the violent swell of nausea that greeted him as the door closed quietly. 

“Al?” Matt wiggles his fingers in his eyeline. “You ok mate? You’ve gone pale,” all that humour has gone but Alex just swallows hard and sinks down on the bed once more, shutting his eyes. 

“Yeh ‘course, jus’ a ragin’ hangover.” He can feel Matt lie down next to him but doesn’t open his eyes. When Matt speaks again it’s with a new gentleness, time void of the earlier amusement. 

“I think you need to talk to ‘im, mate. You need to... see ‘ow he’s... interpreting things... an’ then, yknow, you can take it from there, let ‘im know it were an accident... if it were...” Alex blinks slowly. 

“I think it were deliberate, Matt,” his voice is soft, hoarse almost and quiet. He supposes that fits since he’s not all that interested in being loud, maybe if he says things quietly they’ll be a bit less true. 

Matt inhales steadily beside him. “D’you want to tell ‘im tha’?” He asks. 

“Depends... depends ‘ow ‘e’s interpreted it.” 

“Al, mate, I think... maybe you need to figure out wha’ you’re feelin’ before ye try t’ figure aht ‘ow Miles is... feelin’?” 

He groans. “Matt...” he doesn’t finish what he’s saying, he doesn’t need to really, they both know he’s struggling and they both know Matt can’t help him. 

On the desk his phone clatters in its vibrate mode, startling them both. Alex’s heart beats hard like he knows who it is before he’s even checked. Mostly for something to do he forces himself to pick it up.

“It’s Miles!” He announces, throwing the phone onto the bed like it’s burned him. A chuckle bubbles up from Matt that builds into a proper giggle as Alex just stares at it. 

“Well aren’t ye gonna read it?” 

He sighs, picks it up and flips it open so he can read it. He can’t help the smile that creeps across his face just then. Matt’s impatient as he snaps out a reply, fingers skipping over the 9 tiny keys quickly. 

“Hey! What’s it say wanker?” Alex smiles slightly, reads the text aloud. 

“Says ‘why’d you leave, I owe you breakfast’,” he does his very best attempt at Miles’ accent, mood suddenly ridiculously improved. “Matt! He doesn’t hate me! He didn’t want me to leave!” 

Matt smiles at him but gasps quickly. “Wait! Don’t reply yet!! What’re you typing??” Alex glances at what he’s written so far. 

‘Soz m8, not personal, just had 2 get out-‘ 

Matt snatches the phone away. 

“Oh my god you can’t send that! Are you crazy?” Alex feels a need to defend. 

“What? Why?? I’m just makin’ it obvious that it weren’t Miles’ fault I left.” 

“Mate, first of all, y’can’t call ‘im ‘mate’ in a text! He’ll think yer /just/ ‘is mate!” Alex sighs. 

“I /am/ just ‘is mate, maffew.” 

“And that you’ll stay if you keep referring to yourself like that! Keep it neutral, and also... you need to actually figure out what he’s feelin’ still... you need to... I dunno, just say summat that covers everything, y’know, assures ‘im yer not upset wi’ ‘im, an’ maybe let’s ‘im know there’s nowt fer ‘im t’be worried abaht... but like... if ye can, try an’ slip it in there that ‘e shouldn’t feel bad abaht not kissin’ ye back too.”

“Jesus Matt, I’ll jus’ write an essay for ‘im shall I? Tha’s subtle.” His mind is racing though, trying to think of a concise way to fit all that in. 

“Eh... yer the songwriter, if ye can think it up I know ye’ll be able to put it into a line or two!” Matts faith in him is seriously endearing but before he can express as much he’s swiping the phone back and typing out his response, sending it before Matt’s even checked it’s ok. When Matt reads it he smiles. 

“‘You don’t owe me anything’,” he quotes, “perfect! Y’see that’s great, okay... alright so... now ye wait an’ see ‘ow ‘e teks it.” 

They wait, staring at the phone between them like it’s going to ring with the answer to the meaning of life. The longer they wait the more anxious Alex is feeling. 

“What if ‘e doesn’ answer? What if ‘e doesn’t get it... or if ‘e does get it and still finks it’s weird.... fuck Matt, d’you think I’ve ruined everythin’? Us friendship even?” Matt placated, assures him there’s nothing he knows of that could ruin that friendship and that he’s certain Miles will get it, he hugs him just a bit and once again the phone vibrates. 

“Fuck... fuck he’s calling me... fuck what do I do??” Matt grins at him. “Wow, answer ‘im ye fuckin’ case!” He fumbles with it and flips it open, exhaling quickly and then.

“Hi...” he’s aware of Matt’s eyes on him the whole short conversation. Like he’s holding his breath. He can sense his mate smile when he does and he manages to feel a little more at ease. Miles is so... He jokes and so Alex can’t fathom how he’s really feeling. Matt can probably hear the other end of the conversation too since it’s so quiet there so he probably hears when Miles’s amusement makes way for a more serious overtone and he asks “why’d you leave?” His accent coming through strong and his voice just a little quieter than it had been as he joked beforehand. 

Alex falters, glances up at Matt, licks his lips nervously and then switches his phone to the other ear. He tries not to stutter as he mumbles. 

“You... seemed like ye wanted to be alone.” There’s a pause, a dread filled silence while Miles breathes slowly after he’s spoken. Maybe it’s only a half beat pause but it feels like forever and even when he answers Alex can’t tell what he’s feeling. He really just can’t tell at all. 

“Oh...” Alex avoids Matt’s eye, looks away and fidgets. Oh. What does that mean?? Oh as in “oh, thank goodness, I was worried you’d left because you yourself wanted to leave”? Or was it an “Oh, you caught that.”? Or maybe an “Oh, no you got it wrong!”? 

Just “oh”. He’s gone silent again. Before Alex can think it through or shoot a glance at Matt or wonder how his words might be construed he rushes a “come over, tomorra, the band are comin’ to practice at half 2... come round before tho.” Then he drops his voice a little, murmurs his next sentence with more gravity, slightly surprised that his voice doesn’t waver, “we need t’talk.”

Matt’s watching him still with an unreadable expression. He’s got one hand in his hair and the other clutching the phone, waiting for Miles’ response, half worried he might decline, make up some excuse or just straight up refuse. He exhales when he hears the mumbled response. “Yeh k, see ya then.” Alex flips the phone closed in his haste without even saying goodbye. 

“Al...” Matt begins but doesn’t bother finishing the sentence. 

“I dunno mate, fuck I just... don’ think I quite meant to say that.” 

Matt sighs. “Yeh that’s the impression I were gettin’... what did ‘e say anyway?” 

“‘e jus’ said... ‘oh...’ what does that mean Maffew? Fuckin’ ambiguous answer or what?” Matt nods his sympathy. 

“Well then ye did the right thing by gettin’ ‘im round then, an’ ‘e agreed so ‘e must be keen t’ talk too... it’ll be good, you can figure out face t’ face, talk it out properly an’ all, plus me an’ the lads’ll be over afterwards so ye can always talk t’me later y’know?” Alex can’t help smiling at Matt’s concerned expression. He’s like the brother Alex never had, even though Matt has two brothers of his own he’s always been like part of their family too, always been teased by the other Helders men and coddled by their mum. 

“Eh fanks mate, just err... don’ tell Jameh just yet, fink he might ‘ave money on this or summat similar....” he tails off when he notices a smile twitch in the other lad’s face.

“Oh my god! Matt! You and Jamie bet on me?? What was it on??” He’s not mad really, just curious actually. 

“We didn’t bet on you actually, we bet on Miles.... Jamie thought he’d make a move and I thought he... wouldn’t... so technically neither of us ‘ave won owt.” 

Alex frowns. “Wait.... ‘ang on jus’ a moment... you bet that he wouldn’t?? You don’t fink he’ll make a move?” To his surprise, Matt smiles softly. 

“See, I don’ think he’ll mek a move ‘cuz I think he thinks it’ll freak ye out too much, but doesn’ mean I don’ think you’ll... both... figure summat out, just Uhm... more organically... yknow? Besides I already knew abaht the cuddlin’ thing, Jamie knows nothin’, easy money innit?” He grins. Alex can’t help snorting at that though in fairness. Cunning. 

But it’s funny, the thing he dwells on for the rest of the evening infact, well after a quiet family dinner where he subtly deflects any questions aimed at him, and after a mumble of needing to do some homework, scurrying up to his room and starting to write, it’s the term “organically” that bounces around his mind. The idea that they might reach some conclusion together without forcing something. That the conversation they have tomorrow might be that very one... it’s dizzying.

As it gets later he pulls out a notebook he likes to scribble in and he stops strumming he same 4 chords over and over while chasing a melody. It’s always easier to pen the words and then figure out the music when there’s four of them in a room. He flips through pages of unfinished songs, some of them more fragmentary than others, some just wisps of a thought that he could never quite pin down enough to inject with a theme. Most of them will likely never see the light of day but there’s a few talking in not so concise ways about various escapades he’s had with mates recently, night’s out and the like. There’s one or two about more personal things, a girlfriend of his or the stories he’s heard about the other lads’ girls. The words on one page stand out to him, something he barely remembers scribbling down but something he’s definitely in the mindset to add to now. 

‘It’s so absurd for you to say the first word’ his scribble reads and something about waiting. He’s sure the rest of the things he’s written on that page allude to a night in a club but it’s a starting point for the next thing and as the words pour out his thoughts get clearer and his eyes tire all the more. As he thinks about the possibilities the following day holds it feels like confusion and uncertainty. Maybe the things he’s thinking now he won’t be able to voice when morning comes but he aware that things between them are tense and he’s content, for now, to resolve that as long as they manage to ease that tension he’ll be happy. Regardless the way things turn out, he wants to get that ease of one another’s company back. 

—————-//—————

Unbeknownst to Alex, Miles had dwelt on different matters all afternoon, endured a similarly quiet dinner with his own mum where she’d tried to pry details from him about the night before but where he steadfastly refused answer. When his mother had long since gone to bed and the only light in his bedroom came from the street lamp down the road Miles too began to write. The curtains stayed open to allow in both the light and the night, some attempt to not feel so alone in the empty room. First he sat, staring out at the pavement below, untrod for hours. His gaze drew to different things, bits of litter that got caught in breezes and swept down the street, a cat that stalked around for a while and crossed a lawn across the road and disappeared somewhere as soon as Miles got distracted. His thoughts however, were more turbulent than his steady stare and darkness induced peace would indicate. As the time passed Miles could feel the need for sleep weigh on his cold limbs, the urge to crawl into bed stronger with every shudder of chill breeze that rattled in the drainpipe beside his window. When the he caught himself jolting upright after a lull in concentration he heaved a sigh and forced himself to lie down. Only when he did, sleep wouldn’t come. 

His eyes, once tired and becoming sore now itched to remain open and he sighed in frustration as he tried in vain to find comfort enough to sleep. The night before he’d been warm, uncomfortable really and yet he’d fallen asleep within minutes. Alcohol could easily have played a part in that but Miles’ somniphobic mind was insistent that the heavy arm that had draped itself across him last night had helped, that the steady breathing barely a foot away had lulled him, that the dip in the bed beside him had provided comfort. He sat up, stretching over to the window and blindly reaching for the pen and paper there on the sill. He penned down only one line and with that felt sleep begin to soften the edges of reality, to lure him gently but not quite allow total immersion for some time to come. 

‘If you just get it together and read my mind then sleeping would be easy’.

A/N: thanks for reading if you got this far!! Shoutout to my one amazing friend who allllways reads my fics and helps me out with them even tho I’m a terrible friend because all I do is complain to her about everything! Love youuu


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